


Carry Me Home

by QuietDarkness



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-15
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-02 09:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11506536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietDarkness/pseuds/QuietDarkness
Summary: John and Rodney get stranded on a planet where the gate becomes flooded under mud and water. Looking at months away from home, they have no choice but to bunker down among the locals. At first, it seems like it might just be the respite they both need. And they could be able to come to terms with their growing affections for each other. But when they realize some very determined Wraith are just as stranded as they are, they'll have no choice but to set all that aside, risk everything they want and fight...





	1. "This better be worth it."

**Author's Note:**

> (My second attempt at McShep. I really hope you enjoy it. Please let me know what you think! Squee! QD)

“I knew we should have taken a jumper.” John groused, pacing angrily as he side-eyed the heavily flowing water that had completely engulfed the gate in the valley between the mountains, his strong hands practically throttling his P-90.

“If we took the jumper, it wouldn't have made a difference! Look, the way the mud moved in and the way the water is going now, the amount of pressure alone... it would have spiraled through the gate and flooded the gate room the moment the wormhole opened.” Rodney explained, practically throwing a fist at the steadily rising oceanic waters. “Is this going to stop anytime soon?” He asked, turning to Holvo, the tall and rather stoic leader of the village who had little to no sense of humor.

“Several moons. The water flows from one range to the next every second season, and does not dry out until winter.” He said flatly. “This is general knowledge to all.”

“Ya know... that brings up a good point, why the hell didn't you warn us about this in the first place? In case you forgot, we're not exactly locals. We're only here because you asked us to take part in your Harvest Ceremony!” John stated firmly, pointing a finger at Holvo accusingly. They'd been to Lunula a handful of times, negotiating trade and offering medical supplies. After John and Rodney had inadvertently saved Holvo's daughter and wife from an unforeseen landslide, he'd insisted that they be honored guests at their festivities. John had sent Ronon and Teyla back to Atlantis. No need for all four of them to be bored.

Holvo folded his hands comfortably in front of him, shrugging one shoulder without changing any aspect of his plain expression. “I assumed you knew.”

“Oh, you assumed...” John repeated, turning to Rodney, “He assumed.” He intoned, anger seething in his tone as he turned his back. Rodney could see the tension in his shoulders instantly. An angry John was never a good thing. 

“Look, eventually Atlantis will figure out we missed check in and they'll dial the gate.” Rodney offered, glancing with a wince at the still ever flowing muddy water.

“Yeah, and then what, McKay?” John asked, stopping his pacing long enough to turn and look at Rodney again. “They can't send anyone through because A, any jumper would get tossed around like a rag doll in that mess, and B, they'd be stuck here right along with us.”

“Well, we could tell them what happened. They can send the Daedalus for us.” Rodney said, raising his brows lightly. And for a moment, John looked thoughtful, taking a step forward.

“Okay, how long will that take?”

“Um...” Rodney did quick calculations, “Uh. About... five months?” He cleared his throat.

“Rodney!” John growled.

“Give or take, I mean it's not like we're right next door!” Rodney argued.

“Months?” Holvos asked curiously.

“Moons. Five moons.” Rodney groaned in annoyance.

“The mud and water will have receded at least two moons before then.” Holvos offered. “Of course, you are both quite welcome to stay among us. In the mean time, if you'll excuse me, I have to attend to preparations for the evening meal.”

Both John and Rodney watched Holvos walk away. And for a long, very rigid moment, neither one of them said anything. 

“Ya know,” Rodney cleared his throat, shrugging his pack a little higher on his shoulders, “This may be a good thing.”

“How do you figure?” John asked, his voice slightly quieter than before, having lost some of its angry edge. Rodney watched his profile, taking in the almost tired look John got when things were out of his control. A softening around the edges, a darkening of his green-blue hues that made them seem almost otherworldly in the right light, an intense tightening of the laugh lines around his eyes. He wasn't looking at Rodney, or else Rodney never would have let himself stare at John like this. 

“We haven't had a decent vacation in years, right? We talk it about it all the time. We barely take a day off! Think about it!” Rodney grinned when John turned his gaze, “No work, no end of the world last minute drop of the hat scenarios. Just... time on our hands to do whatever we want with.” John narrowed his gaze a little.

“You're going to be bored out of your mind.” He said, a slow smirk beginning to form on his mouth. 

“No I won't.” Rodney protested instantly. But the moment John had said it, Rodney knew he was probably right. 

“Face it, McKay. Without something to tinker with or a disaster to avert, you're gonna go stir crazy.” John said, this time cracking a full on smirk and patting Rodney on the shoulder as he stepped past. “But I like your thinking. I could use a vacation.” He called back as he headed up the fenced in path that headed further into the mountainous forest toward the nearest settlement. Rodney watched him disappear with a growing pit in his stomach.

“Ah, crap.” He finally mumbled, then frowned deeper and deeper with each step he took, following in John's wake.

* * *

John was laying back against his pack, arms crossed over his chest, sunglasses on, boots crossed at the ankles. And he was watching, with a great deal of amusement, as McKay fiddled with his tablet. Not using anything technology based had lasted all of one day. Honestly, John was surprised it has lasted that long.

“You do realize that when the battery dies, there's no way to recharge it.” John stated the obvious, just for the sake of hearing McKay's no doubt ridiculous answer. He closed his eyes, waiting for a response as a subtle but cool breeze wafted over them from where they were sitting beneath something akin to a gazebo. The sound of kids kicking around a ball made out of tightly wound rope nearby made McKay sigh for the fiftieth time before he finally said something.

“I'm just... going over some of those energy readings from when we surveyed the old mines. I figure if we're stuck here, we may as well make some use out of it, right?” He muttered. John sighed, raising a hand and peeling his sunglasses off.

“What happened to taking a vacation?” He asked blandly, watching McKay staring at the screen before him like it was the most interesting thing in the world. When Atlantis had finally checked in, it was pretty much agreed that John and Rodney would have to ride out their time among the Lunulans. There was no way the Daedalus would get to them before the time the water and mud receded. The Lunulans agreed to provide them with everything they needed, so there was no worry as far as that went. There would be bi-weekly check-ins. But other than that, they had literally no itinerary other than keeping on-keeping on.

“What?” Rodney lifted his gaze to John, blinked in confusion, then waved a hand idly, “Oh, yes, right. Of course. Consider it... an adventure. I know you, you can't just sit on your butt the whole time. This'll be fun for you. Hiking and exploring...” He said the last two words with an almost swallowed grimace, making John chuckle and sit up, pushing his back against one of the posts.

“You do know me pretty well, huh.” He stated, reaching aimlessly beside himself and plucking a long blade of grass to fiddle with. “But I know you, too. And you hate hiking. And exploring. So.” he tossed the now overly curled blade of glass, “What gives?”

“I do not hate hiking and exploring.” McKay pouted, lowering his tablet and meeting John's very amused look. “I just... hate that it makes everything hurt. I mean, seriously... muscles are not meant to protest like that.” He sighed. John couldn't help it, he laughed easily. And the result was Rodney smiling warmly.

Rodney was good for that, even if he didn't realize it. In the grand scheme of things, the two of them couldn't be more different. And no one was more aware of that than John. But it was the differences that seemed to make John feel at home around Rodney. He had ways of helping John see the world differently, of teaching him to care when he was pretty sure it was a bad idea, of bringing humor into situations that normally wouldn't have any at all. From day one, Rodney had begun to ingratiate himself to John in a completely permanent way until there was no replacing him. And though John honestly would have been alright being stuck in the middle of nowhere for months on end with anyone from his team, he was secretly very glad it was Rodney. For all those reasons. And one big reason even he hadn't quite put words to yet.

“Alright, put that thing away.” John said then, after glancing at his watch. He stood up and brushed his pants off.

“What? Why?” Rodney stammered, staring up at him in instant confusion.

“I've got an idea.” John said, looking down at him. But Rodney motioned to the tablet.

“But the mines-” he began. John sighed and interrupted, reaching down and yanking the tablet out of his hands and pressing the power button before tossing it down onto Rodney's pack. Then he grabbed Rodney by the back of the collar and yanked him up. “Hey!” He yipped. “Alright, hang on, you heathen!” John chuckled again, but pushed Rodney forward once he was on his feet. “This better be worth it.”

“It will be.” John replied. Or at least he hoped it would. 

They'd only been stranded here a couple of days. But John wasn't one to stay still. Rodney was right about that. Part of it was the military training. Sure, they weren't in much danger. There wasn't a Wraith cruiser around, or not any that could beat the Daedalus here. And with the gate out of commission, any other threats were pretty much non-existent. But that didn't mean he should take any chances. 

Their first day here, he'd walked the whole perimeter. He'd made a point of memorizing possible hiding places, attack points, ambush areas, etc. Call him anal. But it could come in handy. At any rate, he'd seen something he thought even Rodney might appreciate. 

There was only one way to find out...

* * *

By the time they got to the top of the path, which was more like a well traveled incline that led to a rock ledge, Rodney wanted to peel his sweaty skin off. “I thought... you said... this would be worth it.” Rodney panted, hands on his knees when they finally stopped, whole body bent as he forced air in and out of his lungs. He could practically feel the humor rolling off John in waves.

“Rodney.”

“We could have... hiked the mines. A lot less incline, ya know?” He grimaced, closing his eyes as he heaved another breath.

“Rodney.” John urged.

“What?!” He snapped, opening his eyes and forcing himself to stand up straight. And in an instant, he completely forgot that his muscles were on fire and his skin was covered in sweat and his lungs were hurting. “Oh.” He whispered, taking two very quick steps toward John, stopping directly next to him. “Wow.”

“Right?” John said with a smile, crossing his arms lazily over his chest.

“I mean, seriously. Wow.” Rodney repeated, just because.

The view was amazing. 

Where the village was settled, which was pretty much on a high, somewhat mountainous plateau directly across from another plateau, in between which was the valley that was currently now flooded, there were plenty of striking views. Lots of trees, green rolling hills, clouded peaks, flowing waters. Though Rodney admittedly wasn't a huge fan of most aspects of nature, he could admit that this world was lovely. But this view in particular was... well, breathtaking.

They were staring down at the canopy of a rainforest that stretched on for literal miles, as far as the eye could see beyond the mountainous range. But it was more than that. The colors of the trees and plants were so vibrant, it was like someone had spilled a pallet and let the colors run. Trees just didn't have colors like that... right? But here they were. More brilliant and bright than anything he'd ever seen. 

“Wait for it.” John said then. And Rodney gave him a sideways glance.

“Wait for what?” Rodney had to ask, watching as John motioned back out to the view before them. The sun was beginning to burn along the horizon as it set. And for a moment, Rodney was going to say something stupid like, 'You brought me up here to watch a sunset? We could have watched the sunset from the village!' But then the trees lit up. Literally. The canopy turned into a glowing mass of leaves, in all those brilliant hues. The vibrancy became almost neon as the burning horizon cast its fire upon them, and the effect was hypnotic to say the least. It took Rodney's breath away instantly. Every color seemed to dance and glow and hum. There was a literal musical sound, a chorus that filled the air in the most pleasant bell like sounds that Rodney had ever heard. It lasted right up until the last ray of sunlight disappeared below the horizon.

It was only then that Rodney realized he'd grabbed onto John. One hand balled up John's shirt in front, and one in back, out of the sheer excitement of it all. And it was also only then that Rodney realized they weren't alone. There were at least a half dozen couples around them in various spots, beginning to disperse. Rodney swallowed hard, letting John go quickly and taking a step back, clenching and unclenching his hands nervously. 

For some reason, however, John was just staring at him with the strangest look in his eyes. And very, very quietly. Rodney wanted to say something, to break the strange silence between them. But all he could do was stare back like an idiot.

“Doctor McKay, Colonel Sheppard. I did not realize you knew of the Singing.” A female voice spoke up pleasantly, making Rodney nearly jump out of his skin. John turned, clearing his throat and slipping his hands into his pockets.

“Deara.” John said, offering a light smile. Deara was Holvos sister. Much more personable, honestly. Beside her was her wife. “Iyana.” John nodded to the other woman as well. “Uh, yeah. I discovered it yesterday when I was doing some... wandering around.” He glanced at Rodney who was doing his very best to look anywhere but in John's direction. Damn peripheral vision. 

“What did you think? Beautiful, yes?” Iyana asked, curling her hand into Deara's warmly. “It is a blessing for the Bonded. I'm glad you found it so soon.”

“I'm sorry, the Bonded?” Rodney asked, looking from one woman to the other.

“Yes... are you... are you not...” Iyana responded, furrowing her brows as she let her voice trail off, glancing to Deara, who blinked.

“Perhaps you have a different word for bonded pairs?” Deara asked.

“Bonded pairs... you mean... oh we're not, no we just work together.” John responded quickly, eyebrows shooting up. Rodney couldn't even respond, he was just stunned into silence.

“You must forgive us. No one who is unbonded ever comes to see the Singing. We just assumed...” Iyana blushed, looking truly embarrassed. These people sure did a lot of assuming! It was practically an affliction.

“It's okay, really. No harm done.” John said amicably. A few moments later, the two women headed back, leaving John and Rodney alone. In fact, no one else was left on the cliff side but them. 

“So...” John said, looking out into the complete darkness now. The only real lights came from the various lit torches on the path that someone lit on their way back down, and the splash of stars in the night sky. The moon was covered in a blanket of soft clouds, just light enough to cast an eerie glow. John's hands were still in his pockets. Rodney didn't know why that was important. But it was. “What'd you think?”

“It was... amazing.” Rodney found himself answering sincerely from just behind John. He wasn't looking out at the scenery anymore. He was watching the dark outline of John's form. He was waiting for some sign that John was okay. Because there had been a strange look in his eyes when Rodney had been holding on to him. A look Rodney had never seen before. And since that moment, there had been a strange air about him that Rodney couldn't put his finger on. “Are we...” He cleared his throat then, reaching forward with one hand and tentatively touching John's back, right between his shoulderblades. John turned around slowly, meeting his gaze. “Are we okay?”

“What do you mean?” He asked curiously, one brow raised in confusion.

“I... you...” Rodney struggled to figure out why he was even worried about it. “I mean I kind of grabbed you. And then Deana and Iyana thought we were together. And it's no secret that I'm bi. And I just don't want things to be weird between us, ya know? I don't want you to-” he rambled, but stopped the moment John shook his head and took his hands out of his pockets, as if that was an answer in itself.

“McKay, we're fine. I'm glad you liked the show.” He offered a light smile, then smacked Rodney's shoulder easily. “Hungry?” He asked, wiggling his brows before stepping past. And for a moment, Rodney was trying to decide whether or not he believed him. But as if the word 'hungry' was magic itself, his stomach growled and he turned on his heel, jogging a little till he caught up with John. 

“Hey, yesterday I tried this green meat. Swear to god it tastes like bacon.” Rodney said with a grin. And John gave him an incredulous look.

“Green meat.” John stated as they walked easily with each other, as though something big hadn't just happened. And honestly, for Rodney... something big _had_ happened. Something he was actively choosing to ignore. Because it was easier. Because it was better that way. He'd known since the day he met John Sheppard that he was in trouble. He'd fallen head over boots for the guy long before now. But he'd been fighting it so long and hard that most of the time he could forget that it was even a reality. 

But then this guy, (this amazing, hard headed, strong, smarter than he seemed, pain in the ass, tough as nails, funny, deliberately great guy), had to get stuck with him for months in a place where same sex couples was a norm, and this guy had to take him to probably the most romantic spot in existence, and this guy had to look at him in a way Rodney still couldn't put his finger on... and and and... and Rodney McKay might finally be in far more trouble than he ever had been before...


	2. "What other things?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A terrible storm, a gash on the head and several rounds of poker lead to a conversation a long time in the making for both Rodney and John. But sometimes, the truth is not easy. And life is far more complicated than anyone wants it to be...

A week and a half passed easily enough, for Sheppard, anyway. 

John kept himself busy by running before the sun came up, helping with whatever chores the villagers needed help with during the day, and then just relaxing when the sun went down. Typically by one of the bonfires that was always lit. Just because he could. More than once, Rodney had to shake him awake and drag him back to the modest but nice one room guest building they'd been given for their time here so he didn't sleep the night away outside. Not that he would have minded. It definitely wouldn't have been the first time. If anything, sleeping inside was more for McKay's benefit than his own. 

Rodney, at first, had desperately tried to touch his equipment as little as possible. But with physical work the only other option left to him, he finally gave in and spent his time in the caves trying to hunt down the residual energy source he swore was somewhere in the massive maze of old tunnels. John made him promise not to venture too far alone, and to be smart about it. Honestly, he didn't want him to do it alone at all. But the mines were safe. That much they knew. They were reinforced so damn well, with metal beams no less, that there was no chance of collapse. And Rodney swore if he found so much as a stone out of place, he'd come get him right away. He always came back before dark. And he never left in the morning until John had come back from his run. 

Though today, Sheppard had a feeling neither one of them would be doing much.

Only ten minutes into his run, the sky had opened up and started pouring rain. Literal buckets, which was almost an understatement. There was rain, and then there was this. It was crazy, and so quick that he barely had time to react. John had to turn around and run right back. By the time he reached the village, golf ball sized hail started hammering down. Lightning and thunder made a very clear appearance. Wind whipped so hard, he got blown right over, crashing into a cart with garden tools. When he got back on his feet, he heard someone yelling but couldn't make out who it was or what direction it was from. He figured they were telling him to get inside which was what he was attempting to do. But then he was suddenly on the ground again. And he hurt. A lot. 

His head felt like it had imploded. Or exploded. Or both. A rather large piece of hail had struck him just at his hair line. Or at least that's what he hoped had happened, because anything else meant he had another set of problems to deal with. For a long moment, he lay there with his hands protecting his face, waiting for the massive pain to subside enough for him to function. The rain kept falling, hail kept hitting him. But his body could handle it better than his head could at this point. It wasn't till a piece of hail hit his hip and proved him wrong that he rolled onto his side and got on all fours. His vision was swimming, and he could barely keep his balance. There was no way he was standing. But crawling he could do. So crawling he did. Until he felt hands on him.

Someone practically hoisted him up, threw his arm over their shoulders, and then half dragged, half ran him awkwardly inside a building.

The sudden muffled sounds of rain and hail made his head spin worse, and there was no way he was going to focus on the face that was hovering over him as he was placed onto his back. "Damn..." he managed to mumble. And then the lights went out.

* * *

"I can't believe you're still pissed at me. It's not like I can predict the weather, Rodney." Sheppard countered, tossing aside the little round handheld mirror they used when they shaved. He'd been examining the stitches that Sel, the elderly female village healer, had given him. The knock on the head had been pretty bad. He'd been out for about four hours. Lost what Rodney had sworn had been a ton of blood. Though Sel had assured him it was perfectly normal for head wounds, which he knew. He'd heard Beckett say as much at one point or another. But still. The worry that had engulfed him when he saw John go down in that god awful storm had pretty much sent Rodney into panic mode for a good hour. If it wasn't for the older woman's patience, he might have passed out himself from sheer anxiety. The last thing he needed was being stuck in the middle of nowhere without Sheppard.

"I told you going off and running by yourself every day was a stupid idea. But you didn't listen to me. Sheppard knows best." Rodney sneered, sitting down at the rickety two-seater table near the modest fireplace. John just raised a brow at him, looking disheveled but dry now, obviously bruised but alive. Alive was good. 

"What's with you, McKay?" He asked, standing up slowly. His hip was sore. He had quite the bruise there, too. Sel had told Rodney that the Flowing, which apparently was a storm season that everyone knew about (and everyone once again assumed they knew) was extremely dangerous. No one would be caught dead out in it, or they could literally be killed. As John walked over to the table, he adjusted the slightly oversized cotton like shirt that the Lunulens had provided. They'd given them a whole pile of clothes to wear, considering they couldn't just wear the same outfit every day without the threat of getting very ripe very quickly. Rodney watched Sheppard sit stiffly, but he refused to meet his gaze till John kicked him in the shin. 

"Hey!" He groused, uncrossing his arms and looking at a very plain faced John.

"Answer the question." Sheppard ordered. Always with damn orders. But Rodney sighed and relaxed back a little in his chair.

"I know you like taking risks and all that. It's an unfortunate aspect of your personality that I've come to accept. But you can't do that here, okay? You just... you can't. Because... let's face it. I'm not exactly likable. Not going to be People Magazine's Man of the Year anytime soon. And the people here only tolerate me because I'm here with _you_. Guilty by association... but in a good way." He smirked lightly but it faded quickly. "You heard Holvos the other day. He called me irksome. Can you believe that?" He shook his head, dropping his hands to his lap. Then shook his head. "Anyway... ya know, fatalistic me. Don't go getting hurt or dead. Cause I won't be far behind. These people will kick me out the moment they find the opportunity and there's no way I'll survive this backwater hell hole alone."

Rodney averted his eyes again. He could feel John's stare on him, laser focused in that way of his when he was trying to think of the exact right thing to say. The team -John, Ronon, Tayla, all of them were used to this aspect of Rodney's personality. Bleak was a good word for it. It wasn't low self-esteem, not really. Rodney didn't give two shits what most people thought about him. He knew he was damn smart. As far as his brains went, he never truly underestimated himself. But when it came to physical survival skills, being alone... that's when Rodney really faltered. If it came to just surviving for himself, Rodney wouldn't. If it came to surviving for others, then he would. Because it wasn't about him. He wasn't exactly selfless. Far from it. But being with them had proven to him time and again that when he had other people to live for, he was far more likely to survive. 

"Holvos is an idiot." John said plainly, breaking Rodney out of his thoughts. "And so are you." He added, his expression not bothering to change as Rodney's head snapped up.

"I am _not_ an idiot. Why would you say that?" Rodney asked, practically pouting as he crossed his arms all over again. 

"Why do you think I keep you around?" John asked then, motioning in Rodney's direction. There was no anger in his tone. "I could have my pick of any of the scientists on Atlantis. But why do you think it's you?"

"Well, obviously because I'm the Chief Scientist. There's no one else that has my-" But John shook his head and waved a hand dismissively at him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all know you're smart. Smart only gets you so far, McKay." He stared Rodney down, then snapped his fingers at him when he didn't respond.

"I don't know! Smart is all I've got!" Rodney blurted. "I know damn well I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I mean, I'm arrogant and condescending and irritating. I don't have wisdom like Tayla does or brute strength like Ronon or leadership abilities like you!" He felt his throat tighten as his voice raised, and he pushed his chair back, standing up and pacing. "I'm impatient with people and bad with emotions and-" when his pacing was about to make its next pass, he turned only to be stopped by John standing directly in his path. Rodney froze in place, eyes a little wide. He swallowed. "Raw intelligence is all I've got. And if that's not why you keep me around, then... then why do you?"

John sighed softly, then reached forward with one hand and gripped Rodney's shoulder. "Because you were the one who ran out into that crazy ass storm and dragged me back in here."

"I'd do that for any one of you. I'm not heartless, ya know." Rodney groused. And John smirked a little.

"Exactly." John gave Rodney's shoulder one squeeze before dropping his hand. "Despite what some might call shortcomings, McKay... you've got a lot of courage. And that's useful to me. That, among other things, is why I keep you around. You're part of my team because of who you are. Not just because of what your brain can do."

"R-really?" Rodney found himself quietly stammering, a slow smile spreading on his lips. He also felt a strange heat in his cheeks. A quiet blush. He wasn't used to compliments like that. Sure, he got them all the time. About his intelligence. But when people commented him about something else, it was like seeing a unicorn. A comment like that from Sheppard meant even more. Because it was Sheppard, the man that Rodney respected and adored above everyone else in existence. Not that he could ever tell anyone that.

"Really." John said with a chuckle, then turned toward his bed. A rumble of thunder overhead shook the rafters slightly. It hadn't stopped raining all day. And according to Sel, it probably wouldn't for at least two more days.

Then something occurred to Rodney as he watched Sheppard sit and begin rifling through his pack. Other things. He said 'among other things'...

"What other things?" Rodney blurted, taking a few quick steps forward and sitting beside John without invitation.

"What?" John asked without looking at him, pulling out the deck of playing cards he'd been looking for, and then beginning to shove the rest of his stuff back in.

"You said, and I quote, 'That, among other things, is why I keep you around.' So," McKay nudged John as he tied the pack closed, "What other things?"

John pushed his pack beneath his bed and gave Rodney an amused sideways look, tossing the deck of cards at him and standing. Rodney barely had a chance to catch them. "Tell ya what, you beat me the most hands at poker, and I'll answer that." Rodney turned the well worn deck in his hand and grinned, standing.

"Oh, you're on." He replied with a ridiculous smile, making John shake his head and smile in return.

Challenge accepted.

* * *

"How are you doing that?" Rodney grumbled, watching as John shrugged and began collecting the cards again. He'd won every hand.

"Luck of the draw, McKay. Stop avoiding the subject." John replied, shuffling the deck lazily and simply setting them aside. It was late. Really late. But he wasn't tired, surprisingly. He should have been, with his head aching the way it was. But they'd been on a roll, talking and laughing and arguing. He felt oddly energized and he wasn't quite ready to call it quits. "You never once thought about it?"

Rodney shook his head. "No time for it. Besides, finding someone tolerable enough to marry was impossible, so I just didn't bother. Then I came to Atlantis and, well... you've seen the dating pool in the city." He chuckled and John rolled his eyes.

"Are you talking just the women, or the men, too?" John asked, standing and stretching for a moment. Then he winced and had to grab the table as his hip instantly protested. Who knew a bruise could hurt so goddamn much? Rodney was instantly up, holding on to his side and shoulder. "I'm okay." John said calmly, standing up a little slower. "Forgot about my hip." Rodney gave him a wary look, but let him go. 

"Um..." He cleared his throat a little, "Yeah, both. I guess, I mean... there are a few men. But they don't 'swing that way.'" He answered, using finger quotes for emphasis. 

"Well, how do you know? Did you ask?" John questioned, moving away from the table to grab some water from a pitcher that sat next to a fruit bowl on a small table. He poured two cups. 

"Doesn't the military have that Don't Ask, Don't Tell thing? Wouldn't want to get anyone in trouble." McKay replied, reaching for his cup as John turned with both. John shook his head. 

"Elizabeth repealed that on Atlantis. Said we're like our own little continent and shouldn't have to run by the same social militaristic standards. Somehow even got the President and the IOA to sign off on it. Sort of a big deal. Bi and gays can serve openly now. Don't you read your emails?" He asked before taking a long sip. But for a very long, quiet moment, McKay looked stunned. He didn't say a word, and John couldn't help but feel confused. "Hey, you okay?" He asked, furrowing his brows.

"Huh? Oh, yes. That's... that's fantastic news. I mean, really." He said, turning away and taking a sip of his water, putting distance between himself and Sheppard. John just stood there feeling clueless. Did he say something wrong? He went after Rodney, following him back to the table, setting his cup down on top and grabbing McKay by the elbow.

"The air in here just got thicker than molasses. So don't tell me you're okay when you're not." He said when Rodney turned to look at him.

"Sometimes, I really hate that you can read me so well."

"That's what it is, isn't it. You haven't dated anyone because you've got a thing for one of the military guys." John found himself saying, and even as the words came out, his heart sank. Straight to the floor. Like it had been plucked right out of his ribcage and discarded. But... why? Rodney blinked at him. His face turned pale in a matter of seconds, like he was afraid. John knew that look all too well. "Hey, buddy, it's... it's okay. I'm not going to say anything. You don't have to tell me who it is. And even if you do, I'm not going to tell anyone. You can trust me. You know that." Which was true. Most people on Atlantis knew Rodney was bi. He wasn't secretive about it. But if he wasn't ready to admit his feelings for someone, John certainly wasn't going to oust him. It wasn't his place.

"What about you?" Rodney nearly whispered. It was so out of the blue that John slowly raised his brows and dropped his hand. 

"What about me?" He countered. 

"We've been talking about my dating habits for an hour. But..." he cleared his throat, though still looked terribly pale and didn't seem to raise his voice much above a whisper. "What about you? You do great with women. That's obvious. But Tayla swore she saw you flirt with that bean trader on New Athos, and when you and Ronon went to Veoi for that wedding, he says you spent the night with a 'rugged' blacksmith." He pointed at John almost accusingly, and honestly, it was a little humorous. 

"First of all, that bean trader was flirting with me. Second, that blacksmith tried to get me drunk and I left with all my dignity in tact, thank you very much. Third, why don't you just come out and ask me what you really want to ask." John countered sternly, crossing his arms. For a moment, Rodney didn't say anything, the wheels just turning circles upon circles in his eyes until finally his expression turned to steel and he crossed his own arms.

"Are you bi, too?" He finally asked, his tone firm and almost defiant. John, despite himself, took one very easy step forward, completely invading Rodney's space. 

"Yes." He answered. Simple as that. Honestly, it wasn't anything he'd actively tried to hide once he'd come to Atlantis. On Earth it was different. Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a pain in the ass. But he loved the military, and he hadn't been about to risk his career just because he was attracted to both sexes. When Elizabeth had changed things on Atlantis, he just figured the people who needed to know about him had probably already figured it out. The fact that Rodney hadn't was a little surprising. But it sure explained some things.

"It's you." Rodney suddenly said. Just like that. And just like that, his whole face blanched impossibly whiter. "Oh..." and his arms dropped, and he stepped back again and again till his back hit the wall and he knocked over the pitcher of water on the small table. His eyes were wide. He was scared shitless. "No, I... I didn't mean to say that out loud. Oh god!" He brought his hands up and buried his face in them immediately, mumbling into his palms so incoherently that John could no longer understand him. Which was probably a good thing because John was... numb.

He was momentarily numb.

'It's you.' Had he heard that right? Judging by Rodney's reaction, he most definitely had. And Sheppard was smart enough to know exactly what he meant. Only a few minutes ago, John had figured out it was a military man that Rodney had a thing for. It hadn't even dawned on him, not even once, that it could be himself. Well, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Because the first few weeks he'd worked with Rodney, he'd tolerated him. Toleration turned into respect. Respect turned into friendship. Friendship turned into adoration. And then John had been in love with Rodney before he could stop it. It was why when people flirted with him, John didn't flirt back. It was why when he had the chance for a one night stand, John found a way not to let it happen. Because it just wasn't what he wanted anymore. What John wanted was a relationship, a real one, that lasted, with Rodney. 

But they worked together. So he kept it to himself and settled for the strange yet effective friendship they'd developed. And life kept going, one disaster at a time, one problem to the next. And he accepted that he could never have what he really wanted. Because he had to. Or at least that's what he tried to convince himself of when he was alone in his bed and the lights were out and he had nothing but his own head for company.

"Rodney." His voice sounded strained in his ears. But he dropped his arms and moved forward, not letting himself stop. He reached up and grabbed Rodney's wrists, forcing his hands away from his face. "Look at me... please."

And Rodney did. But he looked wary. Like he was waiting for a pain that was sure to come. A pain that John didn't want to give.

"We should talk." John said softly, lowering Rodney's hands the rest of the way before finally letting his wrists go. It felt like forever before Rodney let out a breath, practically deflating before John's eyes, and nodded, letting John lead him back to the table where only minutes before they'd been having a really good time.

For just once, John wished things didn't have to end up being so damn complicated...

* * *

And talk they did. More than Rodney could ever remember talking to anyone.

And the words, dear lord the words. It was like music to Rodney's ears, and at the same time so damn heartwrenching that he wasn't sure if he should laugh or cry or both. John felt the same. He'd said it. Out loud. Clear as day. Rodney hadn't hallucinated it. And had the two of them been any other people in the universe, they could have just jumped on each other and given it a try. But John was a team leader, a Colonel on the greatest expedition known to mankind thus far. And Rodney was on his team. The two of them in a relationship would cause all sorts of complications that neither one of them had probably even thought of yet. Despite the new relationship rules on Atlantis, thanks to Elizabeth, they were both in positions of leadership. And that, unfortunately, had to come first.

One thing they both knew for sure, if they could, they would. And that was comforting. To know John cared about Rodney despite all the reasons he obviously shouldn't just made Rodney want the man that much more. But the most either of them could do was promise to talk to Elizabeth. To find out what their options were as soon as they got back. If they could make this happen, they would. But for now... for now...

For now, Rodney was watching John sleep.

John's head had begun to hurt, and he was pretty sure he was running a fever. Rodney had to pretty much force the stubborn ass to go to sleep. John had insisted they had more talking to do, but Rodney had pointed out that it wasn't like they were going anywhere. So off to bed he went. John was out as soon as his head hit the pillow. The man was exhausted. Rodney, on the other hand, couldn't get his head to shut up. Or his heart to stop hurting. He'd never been so close to want he wanted, and yet so goddamn far away. He tossed and turned in the relative dark, the nearly extinguished embers in the fireplace offering little to no light. Brief flashes of lightning seeping in through the shutters offered sparse glimpses of John's peaceful expression. It got to the point where Rodney chose to simply focus on that, to imprint it onto his vision so that whenever he closed his eyes, he could still see the outline of John's face. Eventually sleep did claim him. But it was a restless sleep, full of all that he couldn't have, all his heart wanted, all that he felt would forever remain out of his reach. And as the thunder rumbled deeply overhead, his dreams turned into nightmares he couldn't control...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be continued...)


	3. "I'm not everyone else."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm rages on outside. John develops a fever. And Rodney reveals that it's Wraith tech that's been giving off those strange energy readings in the mines. Nothing is ever simple. But then again, sometimes giving in is the simplest thing of all...
> 
> (Note: Uber fluff and first kiss!)

Rodney was snoring.

It was a sound John had gotten used to a long time ago. It was comforting, actually, to know that some things would never change. Because a lot really had changed. Very quickly. Easy talking over a poker game had turned into confessions of mutual love -though they hadn't actually used that particular word. And that, of course, couldn't just be easy. Complications were pretty much par for the course in his life these days, why should he expect anything else? But still... just once, he'd like things to be simple. If even for a little while.

John could hear the steady rhythm of the seemingly unending downpour outside mingling with Rodney's inhales and exhales. It was early morning by now. He didn't have his watch on. Though he didn't really give a damn what time it was. He felt like sun ripened crap. His head was throbbing. His hip was sore. And he was warm. Much warmer than he should have been. He'd sweated right through his clothes while sleeping. And his whole body ached. Great, a fever. Stupid storm. He swallowed the groan that bubbled up as he forced himself to sit. His shirt was practically stuck to him. So he peeled it off and let it fall to the floor, glancing over at Rodney, who was passed out cold on his stomach, face to the wall, arm hanging off. Hopefully, he'd sleep awhile longer. John slowly stood, hip only protesting momentarily, and he moved to the door. He only opened it long enough to half drag, half roll in the barrel used to collect rain water. At this point, it was pretty much over flowing. He sploshed water pretty much everywhere, but didn't care. He closed the door and had to press his head to the cool wood and just breathe for a minute. Being sick sucked.

Once he got a little strength back, he got some of the powdery smelling soap the Lunulans used and a clean rag and went to work cleaning the sweat off of himself. The water was bitterly cold, and he hissed a little when it hit his skin. But it was better than being covered in germs. He'd have to change his pants, too. But one thing at a time. He inspected the bruise on his hip gingerly. It was ridiculously purple now. He'd be damn glad when it was gone. He sighed, sloshing the rag into the water and feeling a shiver run right through him at breakneck speed. "Shit..." he muttered, clenching his teeth. He gripped onto the barrel with one hand. Then felt something warm on his back. 

"You look terrible." It was Rodney's hand, steadying him. "And you're on fire."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious." John groused, closing his eyes for a moment until the strange cold went away. "I think I'm sick." He added quietly then. "Trying to clean up a little. Sorry if I woke you." Rodney moved into view, rubbing absently at one eye with his free hand. He looked downright adorably sleepy. When he dropped his hand, his eyes went to John's hip and he frowned. 

"Do you want some help?" He asked, looking up at John's face then. And he was about to say no. But honestly, he was exhausted. He felt like shit on shit. A little help couldn't hurt.

"Okay." Was all he said, then held on to the barrel with both hands. Without a word, Rodney just grabbed the soapy rag out of the barrel and wrung it out before moving to Sheppard's back and wiping easily. He couldn't help but shiver. He knew he was running a fever. And not more than ten minutes ago, he was hot as hell. But now he was freezing. And the cold water might be cleaning him up, but it wasn't helping make him feel much better. Rodney cleaned whatever John couldn't easily reach himself. Then turned his back to let John shed his pants and clean his legs and whatnot. Once he was dried and dressed in clean clothes, he was a shivering mess. At least he wasn't a sweaty mess anymore. 

"You should get back in bed." Rodney said once he realized it was okay to turn back around. John just nodded. He wasn't even going to argue. Rodney grimaced when John sat down and winced. He curled onto his side, shivering like crazy as Rodney pulled the blankets over him. He rubbed at John's arm, his thigh, mindful of his hip. "Tell me what to do for you. Should I go get Sel?" He asked, worry laced in his tone.

"It's just a fever, Rodney." John said, trying to reassure him. It wasn't like he was dying. Yeah, it sucked ass. And was horrible timing considering his head and hip. But he'd probably be fine by tomorrow. "Really want to help?" He asked, looking up at Rodney's disheveled hair and now very awake face. "Get in bed with me and help warm me up."

Yesterday, that would have sounded strange coming from him. He realized that the moment it left his mouth. But that was yesterday. Today, things were different. Today, he had no problem with the idea of Rodney cuddling up to him. Besides, he was sick. What the hell would they possibly be doing besides trying to get his body to stop shaking like a leaf?

For a moment, Rodney just sat there with his brows raised and his mouth slightly open. "Sometime today, Rodney." John added, slightly annoyed, though only because he really was freezing.

"Right, yes." He seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in and moved, standing and carefully moving over him. Then he got beneath the covers. At first, nothing. Then Rodney tucked himself up close against John's back. Sheppard couldn't help it. Rodney was so warm that John let out a sigh and pressed himself into him. Rodney responded by draping an arm over him, which John instantly hugged onto. "Is... Is this okay?" Rodney asked. But before John could answer, he spoke again. "God, you're really warm."

"I don't feel warm. I'm freezing." As if to prove him right, a violent shiver ran through him again. Rodney tightened his hold on John instantly. "See that? You jinxed me." He pouted, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath.

"Did not." Rodney asserted.

"Did too." John accused sleepily. "Now shut up. I'm trying to sleep here."

"Right, sorry." Rodney almost instantly whispered. John had to smile a little at that. As awkward as all of this should have been, it just wasn't. Not even a little. It obviously wasn't how John had pictured his first time sharing a bed with Rodney would be like. But it was still really pleasant. Because Rodney, who was admittedly rather germophobic, hadn't once brought up the fact that John might just get him sick. He'd simply helped clean him up, then simply got in bed and held him. All because John had wanted him to. In a way, it helped fuel the spark of hope that had been ignited during their talk last night. It wasn't going to be as easy as simply jumping into a relationship. The logistics of it were going to be a bit complicated. And because of that they wanted to hold off until they knew for sure they could really make a go of it. Because why really get their hopes up if they couldn't make it last, right? But this... this was nice. This they could do. Even if it was just because John had a stupid ass fever. And it was really great to know that Rodney was willing. That alone was enough to make John smile before the fever dragged him back down into sleep.

* * *

The fever broke that night. Which was great. And John was starving, which was also great. The guest house they were in was stocked with more than enough food, and Rodney had figured out how to use the strange little spinning pot in the fireplace to make an interesting stew that John pretty much inhaled. He didn't even care what was in it, which was saying something. He normally complained about Rodney's cooking skills, or lack thereof. "I think the rain's starting to let up a bit." Sheppard said with his mouth half full, spoon scraping the last of what was in his bowl. He was right. Rodney hadn't heard any thunder in hours. And though it was still raining, it wasn't pouring nearly as much. "Can't wait to get outside." He took one last bite and set the empty bowl aside before relaxing in his chair. He was much more lively now. A lot less stiff, a lot less sore now that the fever was out of his system. 

"You just want to run again." Rodney said, standing and grabbing both of their empty bowls. "Thought you'd learned your lesson." He motioned one finger at John's head before turning and setting the bowls in a bin with water near the door. 

"Ya know, McKay, running won't kill you."

"Oh, all evidence to the contrary." He replied with a smug expression, and John just chuckled.

"Fine, I won't run. At least till my hip's a hundred percent. How bout we tackle those mines instead?" He offered, stretching his legs out and watching as Rodney made his way back to the table. It was interesting how easily they had gotten used to being stuck in the small guest house, even in the village itself. Rodney knew the reason for that, for himself anyway, was John. "You never did tell me if you got any closer to figuring out what those energy readings were."

"Oh, right! I, uh... I think they're from Wraith tech." He said, resting his elbows on the table top and just bending forward lazily. John raised both brows and stared at him.

"Come again...." The look on his face was not a happy one.

"No, oh no. Nothing to worry about, obviously." Rodney attempted to reassure him.

"Wraith. You said Wraith, McKay. That's obviously something to worry about!" He snapped a little, sitting up a bit straighter.

"Not this time! Look, the energy readings are inconsequential, and from what I can tell they're from really old tech. Like from the war with the Ancients era. And the readings are so minimal that the Wraith haven't even bothered looking for the source, and they've been to this planet multiple times since then. So, really... no worries." Rodney half smiled, folding his hands together. John narrowed his gaze. 

"Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner?" He demanded calmly. 

"I was gonna tell you. I guess I just... got side tracked." He said, then sighed when John frowned. "If I thought it was something dangerous, I would have told you right away."

"You don't get to decide that on your own, McKay. You know that!" John stood up, running a hand through his wayward strands with a sigh and taking a few steps away.

"I'm telling you, the readings are nothing more than a curiosity at this point. The fact that the Wraith haven't so much as batted an eye in their general direction tells me tha-" Rodney was cut off by John turning around and pointing at him, his face stern and unyielding.

"As soon as this rain stops, we're gearing up and we're going into those mines. And we're going to track that energy source down. Then, _together_ , we'll decide whether or not it's worth worrying about. Understand?" He let his hand fall and stared Rodney down, waiting. 

"Understood." Rodney said almost softly, then watched John take in a deep breath and let it out slow. 

"Good." He said, then simply moved to the fruit bowl and plucked an apple like thing with a gray flesh inside it out of the bowl and take a bite before moving back to the table and sitting down.

"Okay that's... how do you do that? _Why_ do you do that?" Rodney demanded suddenly. John raised a single brow, chewing and swallowing before he answered.

"What?" he asked before taking another bite.

"That!" Rodney motioned at him. "I do something that pisses you off or annoys you one moment and the next you're fine with it, like it didn't happen. Every time! Everyone else would be pissed at me for hours, longer even. But not you. Why?" And just like that, John froze. But not in any startled sort of way. His whole expression softened. His gaze became something completely new to Rodney. Adoring was the only word Rodney could think of. And for as long as it took for John to chew and swallow the last of his latest bite, they just stared at each other. And for the whole of that moment, Rodney couldn't breathe. Like that look alone from John completely erased Rodney's ability to think properly. No one, in Rodney's entire life, had ever looked at him like that. Then John blinked, and turned the fruit in his hand.

"I'm not everyone else." Was his reply. And he winked before taking another bite. Then, just like that, he was back to being the John Sheppard everyone knew. Hooooly shiiiiit. 

"No... you're not." Rodney found himself saying softly. One thing was for sure, if John ever looked at him like that again, there was no way Rodney was going to have the willpower needed to wait. 

John Sheppard was going to be his complete undoing...

* * *

Despite being beaten up by a thunderstorm on steroids, John was actually enjoying himself. Relaxing. At ease. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this comfortable. Even with the news that the energy signature was Wraith, he was just ridiculously calm. He knew, without a doubt, that had a lot to do with the fact he'd finally been able to tell Rodney everything he'd never been able to say. Not that it had led anywhere. Yet.

That word.

Yet.

It hung in the air like a pinata. Either it was an empty promise or holding a prize. They wouldn't know till they got back to Atlantis. Which was still over two months away. And honestly, that was the only thing John hated about all this. The waiting. Because now that he knew the feelings were mutual, he didn't want to wait. He didn't want to have this insane amount of willpower. He wanted to be with Rodney, and not just physically. Though that would definitely be in the cards if John had any say in the matter. He wanted to have the permission to continue being this blatantly open with Rodney, without regrets. These last several days had been amazing. Sure, they'd always been able to talk. They'd always confided in one another. But this was different. This was more intimate, more real somehow. And John really, really didn't want that to go away. 

"This is stupid." McKay's voice suddenly beside and somewhat above him nearly had him jump out of his skin, breaking him out of his thought process instantly.

"Jesus, McKay!" He blurted, sitting up quickly in his bed. Rodney turned on an oil lamp he had in his hands. The fire in the hearth had died hours ago. John had been sure that Rodney was asleep. Apparently, he was wrong. When had the man turned into a damn ninja? He never even heard him move in the dark. Rodney sat the lamp on the floor and shoved John's legs aside before sitting on the bed heavily.

"I said, this is stupid." Rodney repeated himself.

"I heard you the first time." John frowned, staring at Rodney's gray-blue eyes. "Care to elaborate?"

"I know we agreed to not do anything, not to pursue a relationship till we figured out whether or not we're technically allowed. But why should we wait? We're stuck here in this place with no one to tell us not to. It's just us. And what if it turns out this is all we get? Wouldn't you rather have something instead of nothing? Because I sure as hell do! Why does everyone else on Atlantis get to be happy and we don't? Why does everyone else get their chance? We deserve this, dammit. And I know you think so, too. You have to... d-don't you?" He said the last few words with a dose of uncertainty, his expression soft and worried. But he didn't look away, eyes searching John's intently, needing, wanting, and completely affectionate in a way John definitely wanted to see more of.

He took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he let Rodney's words sink in. He hadn't said a single damn thing that John could argue with. And the more he thought about it, the more he realized... he didn't want to argue with any of it. Shit. Rodney was right. About all of it. Or... most of it. "We take this slow, Rodney." He said softly. 

"What?" Rodney blinked, as though he hadn't actually expected John to agree. But John ignored him, reaching forward, grabbing onto Rodney by his ribs. 

"One step at a time. We don't rush this. And we still do the right thing when we get back to Atlantis. That's the deal." He urged, feeling Rodney compliantly move toward him, till their hips were lined up and Rodney's hands were on both of John's shoulders. 

"I... really?" Rodney's whole face lit up. It was like watching that brilliant sunset on the ridge all over again. And John had to smile. 

"Really." He whispered, leaning forward, just enough to hover his mouth near Rodney's. His heart should have been racing. It should have been going a million miles a minute. But he'd never felt so calm. Because this was Rodney. And this was right. Everything about the idea of loving this man was right. 

"No take backs." Rodney said quietly, his fingers gently gripping the muscles of John's shoulders. And John chuckled.

"What're you, twelve?" He countered. But didn't let Rodney respond. Instead, he closed what little distance was left. 

At first, it was just a tentative press of warm lips. Like neither one of them wanted to push it too far, but neither one of them was willing to back out now. And like they did with so many things, they worked so easily together, their lips moving in tandem, mouths opening to test the waters when lips just weren't enough. Tongues touched, tasted, silken and wet. Nothing greedy about it. But perfect, and better than John had imagined. Because it was give and take, and easy. Rodney was surprisingly skilled at this. And John found himself wanting more, pulling Rodney into his lap, deepening the kiss, sliding his hands beneath Rodney's shirt to touch skin, palms pressed firmly against his back, fingers pressing into Rodney's spine. It made McKay make a soft sound that had them both coming up for air.

"That's your idea... of taking it slow." Rodney panted lightly, pressing his forehead to John's, one hand curled into the back of John's hair, the other resting on John's good hip. 

"It's your fault. I didn't know you'd be such a good kisser." John gave a lopsided grin, and Rodney rolled his eyes in response. "Don't worry. Kissing is all I have in mind. And sleeping. I'd really like to hold you." John admitted. Nothing cheesy in his tone. Rodney smiled, almost shyly. 

"I'd like that." He said, sheepishly, as though he wasn't used to anyone showing him that sort of affection. 

"You've never really had a good relationship, have you." John stated more than asked. Rodney lifted his head to look at him a little easier, then shrugged, letting out a steady breath. 

"Like I said before, not everyone's cup of tea." He looked down at the space between them, staring hard at the shirt material over John's chest as though he expected John to suddenly agree with the sentiment. Sheppard let out a deep sigh.

"You're imperfectly perfect." He whispered, just before he lifted a hand to cup McKay's cheek and drown them both in one more kiss to prove it. It went on like that for a good hour. Just kissing and talking. John couldn't remember the last time making out with someone had been so fun and fulfilling. And when they were both tired enough to finally attempt sleeping, he was on his back and McKay's head was on his chest. John had his arms firmly wrapped around him. And John was happy. There was no other word for it. He was glad Rodney had talked him into this. Glad they were doing this. Baby steps, of course. It wasn't like they'd be having sex tomorrow. He had to have some control of the situation, after all. But this... this they could do. This they could hold on to. This could be enough.

And as Rodney's subtle snores filled the air around them, and John stroked his fingers up and down Rodney's spine in the dark, he could only hope the next few months would drag on long enough to let them have some memories worth holding onto. Because when they got back to Atlantis, the sad reality was, memories might be all they got to keep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be continued...)


	4. "This is... this is really strange."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm is over, so John and Rodney decide to search for the source of the energy reading. But what they find causes complications no one could have foreseen...

"I'm just saying," Rodney said, stuffing his last two energy bars into a smaller pocket on his bag, "I've seen you put out all the stops for people far more attractive than me." He intentionally kept his eyes off John, but could practically feel the humor rolling off him in waves.

"You do realize that was before I fell for you, right?" John asked, throwing his bag over one shoulder and slipping his arm through the opposite strap. "When was the last time you've seriously seen me even flirt with someone?" He asked, grabbing his weapon from where it was leaning against the wall, settling the strap in its correct place. Rodney paused as he set his pack on the table, glancing then at John for the first time since this particular conversation had started. "Been almost a year and a half, Rodney." He said with a light smile, answering is own question. "And anything else has been either me being friendly, or putting on airs. So... why are you trying to make me out to be shallow?" He rested his hands lazily on his P-90, feet shoulder width apart, watching Rodney with an ever amused expression, as though none of this really fazed him. 

"Well..." Rodney frowned. Deeply. "Just look at you. And look at me."

"Okay..." John said, both brows raised slightly. "And? I'm looking, Rodney. I don't see the point. Or at least not the one you're trying to make." He let one hand drop and moved toward him, only stopping a few feet away. 

"You can't tell me you don't know you're handsome. With your lopsided grin and runner's physique and that damn scruffy hair and those delicious eyes and the way your whole face lights up when you smile and how you practically take up a room just by being in it and-" Rodney found himself rambling, only to firmly clamp his lips shut when John began smiling brightly and far too smugly at him. "See?! You _do_ know!"

"Yeah, cause you just told me." He said with a light chuckle. "You wanna know what I see when I look at you?"

"No, not really." Rodney pouted, crossing his arms, but kept staring at John almost defiantly; because he knew John was going to tell him anyway. And yeah, he really kind of did want to hear. 

"Your eyes are the most frustratingly fascinating colors I've ever seen. I've never been able to pinpoint exactly what they are." He began, his smile fading as he spoke, but there was something bright and simultaneously warm in his expression. "Your smile is adorable, reminds me of a kid at Christmas every damn time. Your hands... I don't think anyone realizes how strong they are." His lips curved momentarily, just on one side. "And, between you and me, I love watching you walk away. I'm sure you can guess as to why." John's smile was warm and real when McKay's eyebrows went up. "There's more, of course. Point is, Rodney, we're all our own worst critics. I'm not exactly my own biggest fan, either. The fact that you find me attractive makes me stupidly happy."

Rodney just blinked at him. He'd never really looked at it that way. And he'd never, not once, heard anyone describe him the way John had just done. They were little things, really. Nothing too fancy. But the fact that John had said those things, so sincerely, made Rodney feel more than a little warm inside. And a little sad, but he wasn't sure why.

"You think I don't know what's going on?" John's suddenly accusing voice met Rodney's ears, making him blink and drop his arms.

"What?" He furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"You're scared." John said plainly, pointing a finger at him momentarily before once again resting both hands on the butt of his weapon. "Things got all serious last night, at _your_ insistence I might add, and now you're afraid that one of any multiple awful scenarios might happen to get you hurt and end it all. So you're trying to find subtle ways to push me away, to convince me that I made a mistake by agreeing to go down this road with you." The words were so dead on, the look on John's face so fixed, Rodney couldn't have denied it if he wanted to. And honestly, he hadn't even realized he'd been doing any of that until John spelled it out for him.

"Oh my god." Rodney said softly, sitting down on the table top, pushing his bag behind him, the wood protesting softly with a light creak. "You're right. I didn't... damn, I am as hopeless as it gets, aren't I?" He fretted. John nodded.

"Yup. But don't worry, Rodney." He reached forward with one hand, gripping Rodney's shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere. Not if I have any say in the matter. Made my mind up last night. There's no way to know what's going to happen, McKay. But I'm not running. You're stuck with me." Rodney met John's gaze and all he saw was that same adoration he'd seen before, mingling with John's own brand of determination. It was a sobering mix. "Come on, mopey. We're wasting daylight. Got everything you need?" He asked, dropping his hand then and stepping back once. Rodney nodded absently, reaching for the bag that was somewhere behind him.

"Yeah, do you?" He asked, more out of habit than anything. 

"Almost." John said. And before Rodney could respond, John was just there, hands on Rodney's face, fingers sliding into his hair. And John's mouth was warm, his breath was hot and smelled like the mint toothpaste he kept in his bag. John's body was pressing against Rodney's before he could even think about standing, opening his legs, his thighs to either side of John, and McKay had no choice but to reach up and grip John's hips, craning his neck to meet John's hungry mouth with his own. 

And hungry was almost an understatement. 

Up until that moment, every kiss they'd shared had been calm, soothing, passionate in its own way -yes, but nothing like this. This was... this was greedy, needy, like John would never be able to survive without Rodney's mouth, without their tongues colliding and lips massaging in unison. The table creaked almost violently beneath Rodney's body the more John pressed against him, but he actually didn't care. If Rodney's brain was a real, rational, thinking thing, it didn't register. All that was real in that moment was John's hands holding him in place, John's mouth drowning him in a kiss to end all kisses. It made every nerve in Rodney's body light up, it made things lower react, it made him moan, made his fingers grip harder, until finally it slowed and John pulled his mouth away, just hovering there. They were both breathing so hard that Rodney was pretty sure he was near hyperventilating. But shit, it was totally worth it if he was. 

"Okay," John nearly whispered, then loosened his hold on Rodney slowly, easing back, stopping only long enough to slide one thumb gently over Rodney's delightfully swollen bottom lip with a nod. "Now I'm ready." Then he stepped back entirely, swinging his weapon back in front of him. "Meet you outside." He said with a wink and a smile, leaving Rodney completely stunned and sitting alone on the table.

For a long moment, he had to sit there and do nothing. 

Partially because he was trying to remember how to brain like a genius again. _Thinking, good!_ And there was also the fact that his dick was more than a little hard. Wouldn't it be fun to stroll around the village in daylight with his other head straining against his pants? Yeah, not so much. "Dammit, Sheppard." He mumbled, standing up and mentally willing Little Rodney to go back to sleep. He turned around and grabbed his bag, zipping up the last pocket. But he was smiling despite himself. Maybe John was right. Tomorrow the whole universe could implode. But that didn't mean they shouldn't be together. Especially if there were more kisses like that in the works. With that thought, he threw his pack on and grabbed his tablet.

The rain had stopped completely and the village was well on its way to cleaning up what mess the storm had made, which was surprisingly not much. The Lunulans had learned to be pretty hardy and had built their homes and surrounding buildings to withstand all sorts of unruly weather. It was quite the feat, actually. So after John and Rodney -much to McKay's chagrin- had finished spending the morning helping clean up, they decided they'd spend the rest of the day mapping out the rest of the mines and trying to find the source of the energy reading. To be honest, McKay was pretty excited about it. John was really excited about it too, though he didn't really say it out loud. Rodney could just tell. And if the kiss was any indication, Rodney was in for a day with a very happy Sheppard.

"So it seems you were destined to see the Singing then, eh?" Deara said from in front of John as McKay exited the guest house. She had a basket against her hip, filled with round rolls of bread. She was smiling very brightly, and gave Rodney a gracious nod as he came into view. 

"So it would seem." John responded with a smirk of his own, glancing at Rodney with humor in his eyes. 

"So what would seem?" Rodney asked, brows slightly furrowed, switching his tablet from one hand to the next.

"You and Colonel Sheppard. It is wonderful news!" Deara said sweetly. Rodney raised one brow, then stood sideways to stare at Sheppard who just shrugged.

"I didn't say a word. Apparently, she figured it out on her own." He said nonchalantly.

"I could feel the energy between you two this morning. It was quite easy to surmise." She gave Rodney a knowing look and he just sighed. 

"Yes, well... I suppose it was bound to happen eventually." He replied, though couldn't help the little smile he found himself making as John elbowed him in the ribs.

"I wish you every happiness, truly." Deara said, bowing her head and placing a fist directly over her heart. A sort of salutation they'd seen several times since they'd come there. "Please be safe in your travels today. I must be going." 

They said their goodbyes and then Rodney felt John smack him on the back of the head after she disappeared from view. "Bound to happen eventually? Could you be any more full of yourself?" John grumbled. Rodney gave him the most innocent look he could muster.

"What? Am I wrong?" He asked. John rolled his eyes. 

"Come on, Casanova." He said, grabbing Rodney by the front of his shirt and dragging him forward. Rodney found himself laughing. He couldn't remember the last time he was just in a genuinely all around good mood, like there was nothing and no one that could break it. And he knew, with everything he was, that it was all John's fault. As they made their steady way to the mines, which were settled deep inside the mountains, and he and John talked like they always had and hopefully always would, he prayed to whatever powers were listening that it would always be that way. But as they reached the mine entrance, he couldn't help that familiar uneasy feeling that settled deep into his stomach. That familiar sense of doom, waiting just out of sight for the perfect moment to tear it all down...

* * *

"Really, Epperson?" John said, lighting the next torch down the row. He'd lost count how many he'd lit at this point. But it was better than wasting the batteries in their flashlights. And they were sure as hell not going to be wandering around in the dark. There were lanterns, but their power sources had gone out god knows how long ago. Despite the fact the torches themselves had been there for ages too, they still worked. Might as well make use of them. John held the one in his hand a little higher, waiting for McKay to update the layout he was making on his tablet, the Ancient detector in his free hand giving him a somewhat accurate view of their surroundings. Most of the tunnels they'd mapped so far had ended up in dead ends, dead drops, or what passed for loading zones. 

Ten thousand years ago, the Ancients had used these tunnels to mine a specific element known as Pelieum, which was probably why the tunnels themselves had held up to the test of time. (There was something to be said about the durability of Ancient construction techniques.) The Pelieum had been used in the building of ZPM's. But the mines were now completely barren. There wasn't a drop of the Pelieum left. Pretty much the only thing of value in this place was whatever was giving off the energy source. And, according to Rodney, that was more of a curiosity than anything at this point.

"What's wrong with Epperson?" McKay asked, catching up and glancing at John, who shrugged at his question and motioned ahead. 

"Well, nothing really. He's a fine officer." He said with a slight grimace. "I'm not really supposed to make that sort of opinion on people who serve under me."

"Hey, you started this. Answer the question." Rodney said with a smirk. And John sighed, lighting the next torch as they turned a corner. 

"He's got a foot fetish. Found out over beers one night. He got a little too tipsy, let it slip. To each their own and all that. But for me, that's a total turn off, if you know what I mean. I don't care how handsome or beautiful someone is." He gave Rodney a sideways glance.

"Eek gad." Rodney said with a grimace. "Count me out." Then Rodney gave him a narrow eyed look. "You don't have any strange fetishes I should know about, do you?" John chuckled and shook his head.

"Being with you is going to be considered a fetish in itself, McKay." He responded and watched Rodney frown so deep, his skin was about to fall off.

"Ha, ha. Very funny." He deadpanned. And then the detector in his hand beeped. Rodney looked down, then pointed directly past Sheppard. "Over there. That's where it's coming from." John turned around, and was met with... a wall.

"Okay..." Sheppard frowned a little, but stepped forward, settling the torch on the floor near the wall and turning the flashlight on his weapon on. For all intents and purposes, it just looked like a dusty old fortified wall made of whatever concrete like substance the Ancients used to make these tunnels. There were no control panels. No door locks. Nothing that said 'ENTER' in bright bold neon letters. He looked back at McKay who shrugged. "It's a wall." He said flatly, reaching out and touching it with the palm of his hand. Only instead of meeting cold, dusty hardness, he fell straight in.

He hadn't expected that. He scrambled to his feet as quickly as possible, coughing a little as far too much dust wafted up around him in the dark, so much so that his flashlight beam bounced off of it like it was mist. The next thing he knew, there was a strange buzzing noise from behind him and he whirled around. Suddenly, Rodney was there. Wide eyed and worried, Rodney stepped right up to him. "Are you alright?" He blurted out, a hand reaching for him, gripping onto his arm as he slightly lowered his gun.

"Yeah. What the hell?" John said a little breathily, glancing around as the dust began to settle.

"It's not a wall. It's a door of some sort." Rodney stated the obvious, stepping away from him and switching on his own flashlight.

"Yeah, I got that." John mumbled a little, "Why'd it let us in?" He asked, coughing a little again and following him. 

"We've got the Ancient gene, obviously." Rodney replied, stopping at what looked like an Ancient console.

"Oh, obviously." John remarked sarcastically. 

"Huh, I think there's still power. It's just been set to minimal levels. There's a ZPM somewhere, but it's been nearly depleted." McKay mused.

"Well, don't go turning anything on just yet." John remarked, slowly turning his light around the room. 

"This is... this is really strange." Rodney said, touching a few things on the console. 

"What's stra-" but before John could finish the sentence, a whirring sound was heard and the entire room lit up instantly.

"That is." Rodney said, expression as stunned as John suddenly felt. Because across the room, right in their line of sight, were three stasis pods. Two were empty. But one was holding a very alive looking Wraith. And there was Wraith tech connected to everything. All those strange tentacle like wires that connected to two Wraith consoles, whose wires connected to the single Ancient console in the middle of the room where Rodney and John both stood. 

"What the hell?" John whispered, taking a few steps forward, weapon up and ready. "I thought I told you not to turn anything on!" He snapped over his shoulder.

"This is bad. Really bad. Those energy readings? They weren't Wraith. I mean they were, but not just Wraith. They were Ancient, too. It's like someone Frankensteined Ancient and Wraith tech to work together to keep a Wraith in stasis. From these readings," Rodney explained, going over what was coming across his display, "He's been there since just before the end of the war." He sounded slightly shocked, glancing up. "There's no way this should be possible. There's just... Ancient tech and Wraith tech weren't supposed to be compatible like this. Sure, they can rig a ZPM. But this is... this is impossible!"

"Obviously not, Rodney!" John hissed a little, motioning to the Wraith in front of them. Nothing about this was right. It made his stomach turn in every way possible. "Why would anyone need to keep a Wraith in stasis? Does it say anything about who did it? Wraith or Ancients?" John demanded, moving back to the console. Rodney looked back down, hastily going through data.

"No. Nothing. Most of the data in here has been corrupted over time. It's just... basic commands, what's necessary to keep the pods active and... oh, oh no..." Rodney's eyes went wide again.

"McKay..." John said sternly, catching his attention. Rodney looked at him quickly. 

"You need to kill that Wraith, and we need to shut everything down right now!" Rodney blurted.

"What, why?" John asked, holding his weapon in both hands again.

"Because when I activated the console, it sent out a subspace beacon. One powerful enough to be picked up by any Wraith ship in the vicinity. We just called the Wraith right to us!" He swallowed, detaching his tablet from the console. "Which I guess answers the question of who did all this." John clenched his jaw, thinking, pacing a little. He stopped just before the frozen Wraith. 

"There are no Wraith ships that can get to this planet for months, right?" He said, thinking out loud, "So even if they left now, at top speed, we'd be long gone before they ever got here."

"What about the Lunulans?" Rodney asked, and John had to turn and look at him. Instant guilt bubbled up inside of him. He hated when this happened. When some stupid, albeit accidental, mistake put innocent people in danger. 

"We'll take them with us back to Atlantis. Relocate them till the danger passes. When we're sure that the Wraith have moved on, we'll bring them back. Maybe let them ride out the next flooding. Give plenty of time for the Wraith to forget."

"Okay, yes... that... that could work." Rodney said, looking around. Then he moved hastily to one of the Wraith consoles. 

"What are you doing now?" John demanded, stepping toward him, though glancing warily back at the Wraith.

"The Ancient console's data has been corrupted but maybe..." he plugged his tablet in, began to go through a few programs, "Ah, yes! Perfect. I'm going to download as much of this as I can. Do you, uh... have any C4?" He asked then, smiling a little at John.

"Why?" Sheppard asked, narrowing his gaze a little quizzically. 

"Well, we can't leave this place standing for the Wraith, right? And I know how much you love to blow things up, so..."

John slowly smiled. "I might have some. Hurry up."

"That's my boy." McKay responded with a smirk, turning his gaze back to his tablet. For a long moment, John just watched him. But then he backed up and set his pack down, pulling out what little C4 he had with him and strategically placing it around the room. By the time he was ready, so was McKay. He handed his bag to him, along with the remote.

"Alright, get around the corner. I'm going to shoot up the Wraith, then I'll meet you there. As soon as you see me, blow it. Don't wait for me to tell you. Got it?" John told him. He nodded hastily in response, then seemed to hesitate. "Rodney?" McKay grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in, then, kissing him simply and briefly before nodding and disappearing through the not-a-wall-door. John let out a breath. "Right." He said to no one. Then turned to look at the still very frozen Wraith. He raised his weapon, counted to five, then said, "Sorry, Sleeping Beauty." 

And then he fired...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be continued...)


	5. "Are you sure?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't go quite as planned at the mines. Once back at the village, John finally decides it's time to let things move forward for himself and Rodney. Sometimes happiness is a matter of choice...
> 
> And somewhere nearby, enemies lurk in the darkness. Nothing ever stays simple for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warning: Sexual scenarios ahead! AAAH! Squee!)

Rodney's ears were ringing.

Which was sort of an understatement. It was more like every chime and bell and alarm he'd ever heard were all going off at once. When he'd hit the button to set off the C4, just as Sheppard rounded the corner, the explosion caused a strange and painful echoing reaction of sound that had them both grabbing their heads. Not to mention the blast itself sent a rush of air pushing through the tunnels in a hurry, flattening them onto their stomachs before they could think much beyond 'ouch'. 

It took a moment or two afterward for Rodney to realize that John's hands were on him, turning him over. He blinked rapidly. All the torches in the area were out, so it was dark except for the flashlights on their weapons. But he could see the shadowed lines of worry on John's face as he mouthed something. Rodney felt his ears pop a few times.

"-dney!" He finally heard John's urgent voice.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm okay." He assured, sitting up, relief painting John's features almost instantly as he slowly sat down, pressing his back against the wall behind him and rubbing one ear as he dragged his weapon into his lap.

"That was different." John grimaced, coughing a little and glancing back around the corner. "Never seen a controlled blast do that before."

"Must be the way the tunnels are built." Rodney said, moving to sit directly next to him, shoulder to shoulder, wiping dust off his tablet screen once he was settled. "C4 did the job, though. No more energy readings. And... the Wraith?"

"Swiss cheese. Made sure of it." Sheppard replied, glancing at the tunnel ahead of them. "Ya know," John made a slight frown, "This is not how vacations are supposed to go."

"Admit it. Your vacations would not be complete without at least one explosion." Rodney said, glancing somewhat sideways at John. He watched as Sheppard gave a sort of slight raised brow and a head tilt in agreement. 

"Put that thing to sleep. You'll want to save the battery for later." John said then, pushing to his feet and readjusting his weapon, grabbing his bag off the floor and slipping it on.

"What's later?" Rodney asked, following suit, only shutting off the tablet and slipping it in his bag first.

"Hopefully whatever data you got is going to tell us what all that craziness was about." John said, reaching forward and uncurling one of Rodney's bag straps. McKay couldn't help the grin that spread on his lips.

"Too curious to wait till we get back to Atlantis?" He asked, turning on the detector so they could figure out where they were going.

"Well, we did just almost blow ourselves up. Might as well get something out of it." John smiled quickly, then simply started walking. Rodney couldn't argue with that. For a military man, John had the great quality of seeing the necessity of scientific research. He saw that it was equally important, if not more so, than military advancement. Which was probably one of the many reasons why Rodney had found him so easy to talk to when they first met. It did help, of course, that John was far smarter than he let on. It used to surprise Rodney on almost a daily basis just how smart Sheppard actually was because he didn't flaunt it, not even a little. The guy, of course, could have been Mensa if he'd wanted. Rodney couldn't beat him at chess, though not for lack of trying. And he could follow most technological 'geek' babble that he came across. Among the scientists of Atlantis, John Sheppard could hold his own quite well. A fact that Rodney was quite proud of him for, actually.

When they turned the next corner, they were met with well lit torches marking the way they'd come. Apparently, the air from the explosion hadn't reached this far. A good ten minutes or so and they'd hit sunlight. But something made John stop in his tracks and reach out with one hand, grabbing Rodney firmly by the elbow. "What is it?" He found himself looking around wildly as John shushed him. Sheppard was standing completely still, listening. And for a moment, Rodney was going to remind him that they'd quite literally just had their bells rung and he was probably just having a residual effect. But then... a very clear, and very terrible rumble was heard over head. Right along with a crack splitting the ceiling above their heads. 

"Shit! Run!" Sheppard yelled, pushing Rodney forward. Not that he needed anymore encouragement. The two of them followed the trail of torches as fast as they could, the whole mountain shaking around them in protest, the once secure and steadfast walls and ceilings cracking in protest at the sudden unsteady weight. "I thought you said these tunnels were safe!" John yelled as he skidded around the next corner, dragging Rodney right along with him and sidestepping a rock about the size of a bowling ball as it fell from the ceiling. 

"They were!" Rodney practically squeaked, watching a wide crack form over head, the sound of splitting loud and terrifying. "We probably ruined the integrity of th-" John suddenly yanked him backward, pulling Rodney's back into his chest as a piece of wall fell into their path. "Oh my god!" Rodney panted heavily. 

"Move!" John ordered, practically yelling in his ear as he pushed Rodney around the rubble. At the next corner they were met with sunlight. They were nearly home free. And that was all that Rodney could think about as he felt his lungs burning from all the dust in the air and running. He was barely aware of Sheppard ordering him not to look back. The sound behind him was almost a deafening roar. At the very last moment, right at the entrance of the mines, John practically tackled him, pushing him so roughly he went rolling out and down into a ditch off to the side of the well worn path. It wasn't till after he was laying there for a moment that seemed to stretch on for far too long that he realized the sun was way too bright... and everything was far too quiet.

"John!" He nearly blurted out, sitting up so fast that he made himself momentarily dizzy. But he ignored it, peeling off his bag and discarding his weapon. Dust was everywhere. Boulders and rocks were littered about like the mineshaft had spit them. And there was John, much closer to the entrance than Rodney was. But he was moving. Oh, thank god, he was moving! Rodney scrambled quickly to him. There was a rock about the size of a beach ball, and way too damn heavy, right up against the hip John had hurt during the storm. But other than that, he was just covered in dust and coughing. Rodney pushed that damn rock out of the way, and John made a pained sound, but then pushed himself onto his back. 

"Shit..." he mumbled, putting a hand over his eyes to block out the sun. He clenched his jaw, his other hand instantly holding his hip. 

"God, John..." Rodney muttered, and he shook his head with a deep well of a sigh. Then, without even asking, he just pulled John into his lap. Sheppard didn't even protest. He just winced at first, then relaxed completely into Rodney's form. 

"You owe me... the biggest dinner. Ever. I'm talking green steak that tastes like bacon. And anything that passes as potatoes on this planet." John asserted firmly. And all Rodney could think of to do... was laugh. Sheppard laughed right along with him. Rodney could only imagine how crazy it all must have looked to the Lunulans who came running up the path to see what all the noise had been about. But honestly, he couldn't have cared less. Because John was alive. And he was alive. 

And that was how it worked out, right? They got in trouble, they got out of trouble. And no matter what, they always had each other's backs. A lot might have changed, in some really good -albeit complicated- ways. But it was really, really good to know that some things would never change at all...

* * *

The Lunulans refused to leave.

In a way, it wasn't surprising. The Wraith would come. And the Lunulans hid. Where was a secret, apparently. The Wraith never found the majority of them. Not for lack of trying, because they still kept coming back to the planet. But for the most part, the Lunulans were content with how things were and didn't have any plans of running. Nothing John or Rodney said seemed to have any affect. Sure, the Lunulans were grateful for their concern. Yadda yadda yadda. But their minds were made up. End of story. Not that he had to be happy about it.

In fact, John wasn't happy about any of it. It was a practical list of shit to be pissed about. There was the messed up lab with the frozen Wraith, and the subspace beacon going off, which no doubt called forth more than a few Wraith cruisers, and then blowing up the lab nearly brought the mountain down on them, which luckily they survived but now his hip hurt like a sonofabitch all over again. The only saving grace, really, was the knowledge that there was plenty of time before the Wraith would show up. They were at least able to get the Lunulans to agree to go into hiding early when the time came, and not wait for the cruisers to appear. Early warning had its merits. 

Rodney came through with the meal about a week later, even though John had totally -okay, mostly been joking. McKay was a terrible cook. So he'd pretty much commandeered Deara and Iyana for food and mutual company. The green meat these people ate was stupidly delicious. And they had an orange colored root that tasted vaguely like cucumber with the consistency of a potato. Not really his favorite, but still palatable. Add to that some of Deara's bread and more than a few glasses of wine they made from a fermented fruit, and it made for one very happy and full John Sheppard. 

It was well after dark by the time Rodney helped him limp back to their guest house. "My turn... what's one place you'd want to take me and why?" John said, pretty sure if he'd at least one or two more glasses of that wine, he'd be slurring his words by now. Rodney had one arm around Sheppard's waist, the other holding on to the hand that John had draped over Rodney's shoulder. They'd been walking really slowly through the village, not in any hurry to get back. The stars were stupidly bright, and so was the moon. The air was pretty cool out, but they were both pretty comfortable. And they'd been asking each other questions back and forth, like a game. It was stupid, and corny. But John was really enjoying it.

"Oh, that's an easy one. My sister's house." Rodney said, glancing sideways at him. He paused entirely, meeting Rodney's gaze. "Not for work stuff or official stuff but..." Rodney cleared his throat, "As my... significant other. I think... that would make me really happy. To just spend time with you and Jeannie and her family. Casually, like a real couple." For a moment, Rodney looked... vulnerable. So open and unsure about what he'd just said, but completely unwilling to take a single word of it back. John turned entirely, letting his hand fall from Rodney's shoulders, and he gripped both sides of Rodney's ribs, pulling him against his own frame. 

"We are a real couple, Rodney." He said warmly, taking in a deep breath. "And the moment we get home," he moved his face a little closer, "And we can get back to Earth," He gave Rodney a very quick press of lips, "Going to your sister's house is exactly what we'll do."

"You make it sound like they'll let us be together." Rodney nearly whispered, eyes averting. And there was just so much sorrow he didn't even bother to hide. 

"They will." John said firmly, probably a little more firmly than he intended. "Hey, look at me." When Rodney met his gaze, he sighed warmly. "They will. You know Elizabeth. She won't take no for an answer. And if anyone will be on our side, it's her."

"How can you be so sure?" Rodney asked, reaching a hand up to trace a line down John's jaw before letting his palm rest warmly on Sheppard's shoulder.

"Because I have to be." He pressed his forehead to Rodney's. "Because after all this, I'm not about to let you go."

It was quiet for a moment, so quiet that John thought maybe he'd said something wrong. But then Rodney smiled. "I think I'm turning you into a sap." John made a half chuckle, half snort. Then he gave Rodney one chaste kiss before stepping back and grabbing his hand, leading him toward 'home.' Or what passed for home for now.

Once they were back inside the guest house, John found himself watching Rodney fiddle with his tablet. He'd been going through the Wraith data periodically. Trying to save the battery while trying to retain as much as he could and make sense of it. So far, he'd manage to figure out that the Wraith had been trying to perfect hibernation, to last longer periods without needing to wake up and feed as frequently. Hence the stasis pods. Question is, why? John wasn't really sure he wanted to know. And it wasn't like they'd ever come across anything like it before. So whoever had decided it was a good idea all those thousands of years ago was probably long dead. It might just be a question that was better off unanswered. There were some questions, however, that John did want answers to. Like, what the hell was he doing?

Willpower was a great thing. It came in handy in a fight, when patience was a virtue and a strong mind determined who came out the victor. But the more he and Rodney fought against what was happening between them, the more he wondered what the point was. Take it slow, that was what he'd said. Right from the start, he'd wanted to keep things as easy and uncomplicated as possible, just in case things didn't pan out the way they'd wanted. But he'd also just seriously contradicted himself out there. _'...after all this, I'm not about to let you go.'_ That's what he'd told Rodney. And he'd meant it. Every damn word. He wasn't sure what he'd do if the powers that be tried to keep them apart, but he'd figure it out if the time came. He'd have to. Because he was hooked. He was sunk. He was down for the count. Rodney had him. And that was that. 

So maybe... maybe this taking it slow crap was just that: crap. Maybe he was just being an idiot. Maybe it was time for him to get his head out of his ass and let things progress the way they were supposed to. Because damn did he want them to. It would be stupid to think Rodney didn't want that too. 

Which was why, in the quiet of that little one room guest house, he pushed himself off of the wall he'd been leaning on and walked over to the table where Rodney was sitting. He reached forward and pulled the tablet out of Rodney's hands, pressing the power button to the sounds of McKay's protests. Then he took both of Rodney's hands and pulled him to his feet. That, along with whatever look John must have had on his face, must have been enough to shut Rodney right up, because McKay suddenly got very quiet. His eyes got wide. His whole body froze as John stepped closer to him. John kept his eyes locked on McKay's as he slipped his fingertips beneath the material of Rodney's shirt, brushing skin, gliding up to grip the material, lifting till Rodney had no choice but to raise his arms and let John pull it up all the way over his head, discarding it on the floor, forgotten in an instant. 

"J-John..." Rodney stammered his name, and John let out a breath, letting his eyes glide down Rodney's exposed torso, "Are you sure?" He felt himself bite his own lip, so hard it almost blanched. And without wasting another breath, he just stepped into Rodney completely. John answered with a kiss, as deep and full as he could manage.

Because yes.

He sure as hell was.

* * *

Rodney was trembling as John easily maneuvered him backward toward the bed they'd been sharing. He couldn't help it. In a way it felt so sudden. And in a way it felt like it should have happened forever ago. The feel of John's hands on his skin was downright intoxicating. He was pretty sure he'd never get enough of it, and nothing had really even happened yet. All they'd really managed to do was get each other shirtless. It was a good thing they'd shed their boots and socks first thing when they got back because that was going to make this a whole lot easier. As soon as Rodney's calves hit the bed, he found himself sitting instantly, almost whining when the kiss broke and he lost the warmth of John pressed up against him. But it did give him a perfect view of John's torso. It wasn't like he hadn't seen it before. And he'd certainly ogled at it a time or two. But this was different, because this time he was allowed. And not just to stare at it, but to touch it. And touch he did. He slid a hand up John's stomach, straight up toward his sternum, hungry eyes following as fingers slipped through the hair on John's chest. 

And John was watching him. His eyes were like cold fire coals, just as hungry and far more intent. But eternally patient. That was one of John's better qualities. He could wait forever for what he wanted. What he needed. And by the looks of it, he wanted and needed Rodney. And that just made McKay go all still and quiet instantly. To think he made John look like that? To Rodney, it was miraculous. And he didn't even believe in miracles. Or at least he never used to. Rodney almost didn't want to tear his eyes away, but he did. Because there was more to see. More to discover. More to touch. 

The pants the Lunulans had provided were of a cotton like material. Easy to clean, easy to pull on, easy to slip off. Thank goodness. Rodney slipped his fingers into the edges of John's pants, right by his hip bones and easily pulled. They fell the rest of the way down on their own and John just stepped out, revealing that his dick was already oh-so-hard and straining, a fine line of dark hair trailing from his belly button straight down toward his groin. Damn. But for a moment, Rodney's eyes were drawn to the terrible bruise on his hip. And gently he traced the edges of it with the barest brush of his fingers. John sighed softly, slipping his hand into Rodney's hair. "Does it hurt?" Rodney asked quietly, his other hand smoothing over John's good hip.

"It's not so bad." John responded softly, Rodney looking back up to meet his gaze, not quite sure if he believed it. "I've had worse." He said, offering a light sideways smile. "Really." Rodney shook his head a little, looking back at the bruise, which nearly rounded his whole hip, a little toward his rear, and down slightly into his thigh. He leaned forward and kissed the skin just at the edge of the bruise. But didn't stop there. He trailed kisses, along the hip bone, steadily moving until his kisses lead him eventually up the length of John's shaft. He was warm. And he could hear John's breath catch lightly, his fingers curling into Rodney's hair. Rodney slid both hands around John's ass, fingers gently digging as he simply moved his lips and tongue and warm mouth over the head of John's dick without warming. The result was John letting out a very deep breath and swaying almost uncontrollably. He was smooth inside of Rodney's mouth, the salty sweet taste of pre-cum meeting Rodney's taste buds. He took his time, sliding him in and out, taking him as deep as he dared. He unfortunately had a bit of a gag reflex, which was a shame, really. Rodney really would have liked to take John deeper. But John didn't seem to care either way, didn't complain even a little. He just let Rodney do what he wanted, trusted him, and McKay could admit, it was pretty endearing.

It had been far too long since Rodney'd had sex with anyone, let alone a man. Let alone someone he was actually in love with. The fact that, even though they'd just started, John wasn't trying to be bossy or pushy or take control meant quite a lot to Rodney. In his mind, it meant that this wasn't just a one off. This wasn't just a means to an end, for either one of them. And that was damn near everything. When he released John's dick, he looked straight up, just to see. And John's eyes were closed as he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he looked down, meeting Rodney's gaze. He looked... tender, that same adoration in his stare that Rodney had seen several times now. And then John was just crawling over him, pressing Rodney down into the bed until their mouths were once again connected. 

Kissing John Sheppard was a bit like a euphoric experience. If given the opportunity, Rodney was sure he might just be able to get off on John's kisses alone. It was a pretty good thing, however, that John had other things in mind. Despite the fact that Rodney still had his pants on, he could feel John's hardness pressed firmly and frustratingly perfect against his own. It made him moan almost instantly, his legs spreading to let John fit squarely between them. John slid his groin up and down in slow, sensuous movements that instantly had Rodney's head reeling. He had no idea that John was capable of being so graceful, which was the only word he could think of for movement like that. And damn, was it controlled. Because not once did that kiss break, not once did John's arms shake as he held himself aloft. It was Rodney who had to come up for air, hands gripping in useless movements, hips pushing up with urgent need. When he opened his eyes, he saw John smiling ever so smugly at him. "Oh that's just..." Rodney breathed out, "That's mean." He managed to say, and John chuckled lightly, slowing the pace of his hips till he stopped completely, moving to slip onto his good side, up against Rodney, a hand laying flat on Rodney's stomach, just above his pants line. 

"What is?" He asked, his voice sounding far more husky than Rodney had ever heard. It was delicious. John slipped a few fingers into Rodney's pants, just grazing the tip of Rodney's dick, teasing. Making Rodney close his eyes for a moment.

"That, for one thing." he said with a sigh. "And you like making me squirm. I'm on to you."

"Naw, I'm just figuring you out. That's all." John said warmly. And then his hand was simply gone, disappearing into Rodney's pants. At first, his fingers rolled Rodney's balls in slow, easy motions. But then his palm firmly and warmly wrapped around Rodney's hardness and gave a few swift, perfect pumps. "One step at a time." He added, scooting a little lower, then breathing hot breath onto Rodney's nipple. "What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't?" Was the last thing John said before his tongue slid over Rodney's nipple, slowly, in a circle, before lips and teeth drew it in, making Rodney plant a hand onto his own face as he hissed softly in response. John continued to work at Rodney's dick as he teased one nipple, then onto the next. He took his time. And for once, Rodney found his patience almost frustrating. But then, he just stopped everything. No hands. No mouth. Nothing. When Rodney opened his eyes, John was getting off the bed, moving in between Rodney's feet. "These need to come off." He said matter-of-factly. Then peeled Rodney's pants off one leg at a time, till Rodney was completely nude before him for the first time.

And, for some reason, Rodney suddenly felt... well, shy. Ugh. What a terrible word. But it was true. Compared to John, he felt like the short kid in braces standing next to the jock football player who got all the girls. But when he looked at John, that wasn't apparently what John saw. Because John was examining him, head to toe, inch by inch, taking his time as though he could memorize every part of Rodney by sheer will alone. And whatever John was seeing seemed to be the most amazing thing John had ever seen, because the expression on his face was one of awe and... was that love? No. Rodney wouldn't call it that. Because neither one of them had said that word. Not yet. He wouldn't jinx it. He wouldn't dare. At any rate, the affection was clearly written on John's face, and it broke things in Rodney in every possible good way. 

John began to move up him again, but much slower this time. His lips began leaving tender kisses along Rodney's inner thighs, up toward his perineum, along his shaft, till they became slow, deliberate kisses on the head of Rodney's dick. But John didn't stop there. He did to Rodney much the same of what Rodney had done to him. Only John apparently had very little in the way of a gag reflex, because he took Rodney so surprisingly deep that Rodney could barely contain himself. He was made into this useless, mindless thing pretty much instantly. Whoda thunk it? John Sheppard, aka sex god.

When John decided he was satisfied making Rodney writhe pitifully, he released him from his pleasureful torture and hovered over him, one hand flat against the bed to either side of Rodney's head, pressing their groins together and holding himself there with strong arms, just watching quietly. He waited for Rodney to collect himself, smiling warmly, and with amusement, as Rodney finally looked at him. "You going to make it?"

"Ask me when we're done." Rodney replied, then smirked lightly, gliding his hands up John's sides and bending his legs, flattening his feet into the bed, settling John's lower body further against him. John let out a content sigh. Neither one of them had their release yet. But Rodney was pretty sure at this point, either one of them could go pretty easily if they wanted to. 

"Tell me what you want." John suddenly said, catching Rodney's full attention.

"What do you mean?" Rodney asked curiously.

"I mean... tell me what you want me to do to get you off." John replied easily. Like it was something that should be normal. But to Rodney, it was completely abnormal. Was that... was that something people asked? Because no one he'd ever been with had asked him that before. Something about John's expression slowly began to sober. "Damn." He whispered. "You know, I was joking before when I said you must not have had good relationships. But you really haven't." He wasn't asking. And Rodney swallowed, looking away. "Don't do that." John said firmly, shifting all his weight on one hand and bringing his now free hand up to run through Rodney's hair. "Look at me." When Rodney did, John shook his head. "I'm not them. Whoever hurt you, however selfish or one sided your other relationships were, that's not how this is gonna be, you hear me?" He practically announced.

"Yeah." Rodney found his voice. And he cleared his throat a little, unable to hide the fact that his eyes were a little wetter than usual. John lowered himself and kissed him, so damn tenderly that Rodney knew, at least for himself, that this was love. There wasn't any other word for it. John kissed the truth of his words right into Rodney, till he had no choice but to believe the veracity of every single one. When the heaviness of the moment passed, John asked him the question again. "Ya know, I kind of wish we had some lube..." Rodney replied a little sheepishly. And John just chuckled.

"Lube."

"Hey, you asked."

"Well, 'lube' doesn't exactly answer the question." John said, head resting in his hand, elbow in the bed as he lazed on his side. His free hand was easily stroking Rodney's still very hard dick. He wanted release so bad that it almost hurt, but he was actively fighting it. 

"If you must know, my favorite way to get off is when... someone's in me. And we can't exactly do that without lube." Rodney answered steadily. This whole honesty thing was easy with John, he was figuring out. Sheppard never judged him. Not even a little. Sure, they joked back and forth. They picked on each other. They drove each other nuts about things. But it was all in good nature. They never made fun of the important stuff. And this seemed like somewhat of an important thing, right? Suddenly, John smiled. Big and bright. "Oh, no. What's that look for?" John motioned with one finger, the 'wait a minute' signal. And he hopped out of the bed, limping momentarily as he moved toward the brown bag by the door. It was small, and looked like one of the little totes that the Lunulans carried around with them day to day. He came back to the bed with it and sat down on the bed, handing it to Rodney as he sat up.

Rodney made an incredulous face as he opened it up, reaching inside and pulling out a baseball sized sealed wooden bowl. "Deara dropped it off the other day. I thought she was kidding. But she said we would need it for when we decided to... well, to do this. It's made of all natural stuff apparently. She said... lots of couples use it for... extracurricular activities." He gave that goofy lopsided grin of his as Rodney unscrewed the lid. And sure as the sun shines during the day, the bowl was filled with a clear creamy substance.

"You have got to be kidding me." Rodney replied. John let out a bark of a laugh.

"That's what I said at first. But hey, how do you think the gay couples in this village do the deed without hurting each other?" He said, wiggling his brows. Rodney found himself laughing in spite of himself, then lifted the bowl to his nose to smell it. It didn't smell like anything at all. Surprisingly. "So, whataya say, Casanova?" John asked, moving into him again, trailing kisses along Rodney's neck, warm and too damn enticing. "If it's what you really want..." John's voice so close to his ear that it made Rodney shiver. 

"Mm, mm-hm, okay, right, sure." Rodney found himself mumbling, practically thrusting the bowl into John's hand without a second thought. It didn't take long for John to get him needy as hell all over again. In no time at all, John had become an expert on where to touch Rodney to make him squirm, where to kiss him to make him moan, where to stroke him just right to make him writhe. When Rodney was a suitable panting mess, completely at John's mercy, Sheppard left him there on his back, Rodney's feet planted on the end of the bed. And Rodney watched as John covered his own fingers in the lube. He slid his fingers down Rodney's dick first, giving a few teasing thrusts, running his thumb over the head of it. It felt so perfect, smooth with the slick substance in the mix. But then John's hand disappeared. 

His fingers touched Rodney's hole almost delicately at first. Just caressing, making tender circles as Rodney let himself relax into the bed, hands open and empty at his sides as he watched every expression John had to make. Throughout their time together like this, John's eyes had never stopped changing colors, burning fireworks in the depths of each iris as his hunger stayed steady and firm. It didn't end even now, only growing as slowly he pushed the tip of one finger in. Rodney felt himself tingle from head to toe, the feel of John pushing his finger in inch by inch till he was sheathed to the knuckle making him sigh deeply. John moved that finger in and out easily, taking his time before adding another. Ever patient. Unwilling to hurt Rodney. Eventually, he scissored Rodney open just enough to allow himself access. And Rodney watched him lube himself up, gliding the substance up and down his shaft. "Wait..." Rodney suddenly said, propping himself up on his elbow. "Let me." He whispered, licking his lips in anticipation. 

He wanted to be a part of this. He wanted John to know he wanted this as badly as he did. And he reached forward, stroking John's shaft before positioning the tip of him right at his hole. Then Rodney pushed his hips forward steadily, without hesitation, while simultaneously laying down. The result was John having no choice but to move in. And before either of them knew it, John was completely sheathed inside of Rodney. Leaving them both panting, gritting their teeth, John gripping onto Rodney's knees, Rodney clinging to the blankets for dear life, head arched back. The feeling of having John inside him was so intense that Rodney felt like nothing else anywhere existed anymore. John felt impossibly large, but that was probably because it had been ages since Rodney had had sex with a man. And every nerve ending was alive, calling out, demanding attention in ways that only movement would appease.

For several breaths, John didn't move. He just stayed there, breathing heavily, letting Rodney get used to his size, thank god. He was staring at Rodney, waiting for his signal, some sort of sign. And when Rodney realized it, it nearly made his heart explode. Was it always going to be this way? Would John always be this considerate with him? Dear god, he hoped so. Rodney reached up for him. And that was all the permission John needed. John lowered himself down, and Rodney kissed him like a drowning man as John moved his hips. Before long, Sheppard had a rhythm going, and Rodney had to break the kiss just because the intensity of it all was building him past the breaking point. A painful pleasure was boiling within him, fueled with every thrust. It had been far too long, and the pressure itself felt like it could turn him inside out at will. But then finally, Rodney's orgasm came in a relentless tide. John rode him steadily through it, "I've got you." He whispered, right by Rodney's ear as his hips kept going. It wasn't till Rodney's orgasm ended that John's finally came. And his was just as hard and just as long, turning him into a trembling mess that left him so exhausted that he collapsed on top of Rodney, not even caring that Rodney's cum was pretty much now slimed in between them. John's cock slowly slid out of him as he adjusted his hips.

And then, it was quiet.

Rodney could hear his own heartbeat in his head. He could hear and feel John's breath by his ear. He could feel the heavy rise and fall of John's chest against his own. Muscles twitched everywhere. His groin ached. Though he could hardly protest knowing that John was probably sore as hell now because of his hip. "Hey." Rodney whispered.

"Mm." John made a sound. Not exactly an answer.

"Roll over. Let me clean us up."

"I don't wanna move." John muttered, somehow getting impossibly heavier with the sentiment.

"Oh, you're one of those." Rodney said, unable to help the content smile. "Come on, lazy ass. Move it." John moaned loudly, but rolled over. Rodney caught the wince, and John's hand moving to hold onto the bruise. He waited, watching John for a moment until his face became calm again, then he got up and got a clean rag. He cleaned himself up first, nearly having a heart attack as the cold water hit him. But didn't stop till he got everything off. Then came over to the bed and found John almost half asleep. With almost a half evil smirk, he set the rag on John's stomach and watched him nearly jump out of his skin.

"Son of a!" John yelped, now very much awake, and Rodney chuckled, sitting down beside him as he dragged the rag over the mess, cleaning up as John just glared at him. "And you said I was mean." Once John was completely cleaned up, Rodney tossed the rag aside, but didn't get a chance to do much else because John grabbed onto him and dragged him down beside him. The kiss they shared then was tender, soothing. Legs entangled, arms enfolded, bodies comfortably molded together. Eventually, Rodney dragged the blankets up over them. Everything grew quiet again. Everything was warm. And perfect. _Yeah. Perfect._ Rodney thought. The promise of sleep began to creep over them. John's expression was one of pure calm, sated exhaustion, happiness. And Rodney studied the shadowed lines, the subtle angles of it in the relative dark. "Hey, McKay?" John asked softly, breaking the quiet momentarily.

"Yeah?" Rodney responded barely above a whisper.

"Love you." John said without opening his eyes, pressing his forehead to Rodney's with a sigh before settling completely. Rodney felt himself blink.

"Love you, too." He nearly choked out, watching a tired but happy smile play out on John's lips. Moments later, John was very asleep. 

_I was wrong. Now it's perfect._ And then he too drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 _The Reklu beast was a pig like creature, sort of a small boar, that only came out at night. The best time to trap them was during the hours just before sunrise. Which was the only reason Iyana was awake before anyone else in the village, walking the twilight paths of the village into the deeper part of the mountain forest where her brush laden traps awaited. Deara had a feast planned for the next moon._ That wife of mine is always planning feasts, _she thought with a tender smile as she went from one empty trap to check the next._

_But she'd never get there. A hand clamped over her mouth, impossibly strong, hoisting her off of her feet. Her bag, lantern and knife fell out of her hands, crashing to the ground. And before her, a horrifying face framed in messy white hair came into the view of her lantern light. All she could do was stare in wide eyed terror, tears streaming down her cheeks as a long nailed hand clamped to her sternum and sucked the life from her struggling form. By the time the last glimmer of life left her body, a trap was heard snapping shut in the distance. The Wraith dropped her skeletal form without so much as a second thought, the Wraith that had fed from her leading the way toward the village in the distance. One human would sustain them for now. But in time, one would not be nearly enough..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be continued...)


	6. "So much for taking it easy."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John comes clean about some insecurities of his own and finds Rodney to be far more understanding than he might have counted on. 
> 
> Later, Deara asks Sheppard and McKay for help in finding her missing wife...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warning: A little more smexy time for the boys. Fluff and angst in this one, too.)

"What about my ears?" John lifted one hand momentarily, touching his right ear with a small frown. Rodney chuckled before swallowing his latest piece of bread. 

"They're kinda pointy. Like an elf. You're like... a dark haired Legolas. Only not so tall, and a lot harrier." Rodney said with probably one of the stupidest grins Sheppard had ever seen him make.

"Oh, great. Thanks for that." He said, reaching forward and stealing the last of Rodney's dried meat off his plate and popping it into his own mouth. Rodney tried to stop him but was too slow.

"I happen to like your ears." He finally said, giving John a chastising look as he pulled his plate closer to him. John smirked a little.

"I'm glad my _ears_ make you happy, McKay." He intoned, and Rodney slowly smiled knowingly before finishing off what was left on his plate.

They'd been up for hours. Since before even the sun came up. John had woken up first because his hip had hurt so goddamn much, he'd had no choice but to get up and walk around to try to get the stiffness out and get at least some of the pain to ease up. Rodney woke up shortly after, apparently having figured out that John was no longer completely entangled with him. There was something admittedly nice about having someone there to worry about him. Not that he was actively encouraging it. John was used to getting hurt. Sort of came with the job description. And if he couldn't work through the pain on his own, he wouldn't be much of a commander, now would he? Still, it was nice to know that someone wanted to take care of him, even if he didn't really want it for himself. Rodney had insisted that John 'take it easy'. Which was a bit like telling McKay he couldn't touch any technology for a year. So John agreed to rest for the day. And only the day. Besides, it wasn't like anything was broken. It was just a big, nasty bruise. Though, honestly, it felt worse than that. Not that he was going to say anything. 

After they finished eating breakfast, the sun was barely up. He was leaning against a window frame, staring out as the village began to wake itself up. He only had pants on. If he was staying in for the day, might as well be as lazy as possible. His hip was throbbing, but he was trying to stay upright as much as possible. He figured the more he used it, the more he'd get his muscles to limber up. He must have bruised the muscles and possibly the bone, which would explain why it hurt so damn much. Nothing could fix that but time. Which, fortunately, he had plenty of at the moment. Something he hadn't thought he'd be able to say anytime soon. 

Being stuck on this planet was turning out to be equal parts amazing and frustrating. There was the whole mess with the Wraith lab, of course. And the fact that their meddling with it had most likely brought the Wraith down on the Lunulans in the near future. And now the Lunulans wouldn't leave. Which he both understood and hated. Add his hip to all that, and it was just one frustration after the other. The amazing stuff was all McKay. Honestly, it was a curve ball he never could have predicted and never would have seen coming even if he'd been staring straight at it. If they'd been back on Atlantis, he had a feeling they'd never be in the position they were in now... together. And together was turning out to be pretty damn wonderful. 

There was a time he'd been pretty sure he'd loved someone this much, when he was first married to Nancy. But it was different. In a way, he'd convinced himself that marrying her was what he was supposed to do. He cared for her, sure. And he was sure they'd started out as friends. But not being able to share his career and all the secrets that went with it put a wrench in things that completely destroyed whatever foundation their relationship had started on. And after awhile, neither one of them could remember why they'd married in the first place. Divorce was the inevitable outcome. He never blamed her for leaving.

With McKay, it felt different. Sure, they'd literally just started this whole thing. But John had been in love with the guy for awhile. Far longer than McKay probably knew. It was different because there weren't any secrets. It was the first time in his life he had a real relationship where there wasn't anything to hide. It was one hundred percent in every way, and it was... liberating. He didn't have to pretend. He didn't have to deny going out on secret missions. And if he was gone for long periods of time, he was pretty sure McKay wouldn't hold it against him. Because Rodney understood better than anyone what came with the job. But there was this terrible, almost painful little voice inside his head, like nails on a chalkboard, telling him that if he wasn't careful, he would make all the same mistakes again. That he'd fuck this up just as bad with Rodney, if not worse, as he had with Nancy. And he did not want that. He could think of so many things, including torture, that he would find far more preferable. Though he wasn't quite sure what that said about his state of mind.

As if thinking about him made him materialize out of thin air, John felt Rodney's hands slip around his sides, smoothing around his abdomen and clasping just at his waist. Rodney's shirt covered chest pressed to his back, his head resting on John's shoulder. "I know that look."

"What look is that?" John asked with a light sigh, straightening a little to lean back into Rodney's hold. This was different, too. How easy it was to fall into this, how comfortable it was to be with Rodney like this. As though they'd been this way forever. There was no grace period, no warming up to each other. The complete and utter trust between them seeped so readily into the newly romantic side of things that they were just complete with it. And John had to admit, it was endearing. 

"The one where you're here, but your mind is a million miles away." Rodney muttered a little, pressing a warm kiss to John's temple. "What's on your mind?"

"I was just thinking about us." John replied honestly, lifting a hand to rest over both of Rodney's, eyes following a bird as it flew across the lane outside the window. 

"All good things, I hope." Rodney mumbled lazily. And John smiled. 

"Absolutely." He turned then, forcing Rodney to loosen his hold, not stopping till he could rest his hands on both of Rodney's hips. "I was just... thinking about how things with you are easier than with anyone else I've been with." Rodney smiled brightly, his 'kid at Christmas' grin. John loved that look on him. 

"Really? So... does that mean I'm the best you've ever had?" He wiggled his brows and John chuckled. 

"Down, boy." John replied, then leaned forward and silenced the monster with a quick kiss. "Don't make me change my mind." He warned, but winked before letting Rodney go and limping away. He could feel Rodney's eyes on him, laser focused. 

"You really shouldn't be walking around. I know I'm no Doctor... or not that kind of Doctor... but you're all gimpy. Which probably means you shouldn't be walking." Rodney implored, crossing his arms over his chest as John turned.

"Probably not." He flashed Rodney a quick smile, walking back the way he came. Rodney just frowned, not moving. "Don't be so grumpy. I said I'd take it easy. This is me..." he made a motion with one hand, "Taking it easy."

"No, this is you being a stubborn jackass." Rodney replied, reaching out and grabbing John by the arm before he could turn and make another round. "No more." He said firmly. "Putting my foot down." He moved right into Sheppard's path and John narrowed his eyes, lifting his chin a little and rising to his full height. He was already taller than McKay. And he knew how to be imposing when he wanted. But this time was more out of trying to ruffle Rodney's feathers than anything else. Slowly John smiled, moving closer to Rodney who visibly swallowed. 

"How are you going to stop me?" John asked quietly. But the tone was clear. Rodney blinked, and for a moment he looked really unsure. But then Rodney glanced around quickly, and darted his eyes right back to John's face. And in one very surprisingly quick movement, he let go of John's arm and used one leg to sweep John's feet right out from under him, simultaneously pushing one shoulder. Making him fall. Right onto the bed. Then, before John could have a chance to do much more than blink, wince a little and bounce, Rodney was on top of him, straddling him, pinning him down with his body weight, a hand pressed to the bed to either side of John's head. And John? Well, he grinned. Big and rather pleased. _Way to go, McKay._ "Now where did you learn how to do that?" He asked, happily gripping Rodney's hips. And McKay actually laughed a little.

"I, uh... I've been taking lessons from Ronon, remember? Admittedly, I'm terrible at most stuff. But I pay attention." He grinned widely, "I can't believe that worked, though. That was awesome!" His expression wavered a little, however, and he slipped somewhat off of John, moving one leg in between his, so he was straddling John's good leg. "Did I hurt your hip?" He asked a little quietly, looking down. John just kept smiling. In a lot of ways, there was no room for surprise left with McKay. Which was good. He was really glad about that. It meant there was no period of awkward learning, no 'getting to know you' phase. It just meant they could be what and who they were without expectations beyond being happy. But every now and then, Rodney still managed to pull little marvels out of thin air. He had to admit, being expertly knocked onto his back by Doctor Rodney McKay had never been on his list of things he'd wanted to try. But now that it had been done, he was glad he had. 

"I'm fine, Rodney." He said warmly. 

"You keep saying that." McKay said with a deep frown. "But I don't know if I should believe you. Half the time you hide it. Like you don't want anyone to worry or you think you should handle it alone. You always think you have to deal by yourself, or that you shouldn't ask people to he-" the more McKay talked, the more John just seemed to zone in on his mouth, and the more he just wanted to do exactly what he did. Which was kiss him. Mid word. And not some tentative kiss, either. After last night, why bother? His tongue searched Rodney's mouth as though he hadn't before, hands doing the same to Rodney's body. Eventually he had both hands curled into Rodney's ass, beneath the material of his pants. He loved how soft it was, the skin warm, and the muscles perfect for gripping on to, and Rodney responded to his grip by pressing his groin skillfully into John's. Rodney's hands seemed to have ideas of their own, one gripping onto John's hair like it was a handle, the other pressing into his ribs, fingers counting each one inch by inch. John pushed his groin up, wanting friction, making Rodney moan into his mouth. He loved how quickly both of them could become ready and willing for much more than a kiss. But then Rodney pulled away, taking in a deep breath, staring down with pupil blown eyes. "John," he let all the air out of his lungs. "You ended up in a lot of pain last night. I don't want that to happen again."

"Well, we were a little _vigorous_." John said with a slow playing smile, letting one hand come up to slip over Rodney's face, a thumb caressing his cheek. "You're kind of hard not to want, especially after last night." He explained, a little longingly. He couldn't quite help that. He could already feel the need pulsing in his groin. Rodney gave a small smile, turning completely onto his side and off of John, one of his hands sliding to rest on John's bare chest, fingers stroking idly. 

"Believe me, I would love nothing more than to use you up right now." He said, a lustful stare completely plastered on his face that made John clench his jaw for a moment as Rodney examined him. Damn. But then Rodney lifted his eyes to Sheppard's and sighed. "But we should have waited till you were better. Seeing you in so much pain last night... I feel terrible." Despite the fact that now John was going to have a killer hard-on for awhile, Rodney's words were enough to make something deep inside of him settle. They'd already said those 'three little words' that pretty much meant this was the real thing. But it was stuff like this that told John what he really needed to know that it was true. 

"I don't regret it." John said easily. "And I wouldn't take it back if I could. In case you were wondering." He asserted, "I get hurt all the time. It is what it is. If I let it stop me from living my life, from pushing through things, from doing what I want or need, then the pain wins. And I can't let that happen."

"You're not just talking about physical pain, are you." Rodney's voice was thoughtful, he lowered himself slightly, tucking in against John's side, and John turned just a little so they could look at each other.

"No. I'm not."

"Why do you always have to be the strong one?" Rodney asked, furrowing his brows a little. "You're only human, John. You're always there for everyone else. So..." Rodney searched Sheppard's eyes longingly, "Promise me something."

"What's that?" John's voice got quiet. And for some reason, he felt a pit in his stomach. A familiar ache, searing and enough to make him want to clamp his mouth shut and run in the opposite direction. Because he hated making promises he couldn't keep, especially to people he cared about. Most especially to someone he loves. And he had a terrible feeling that was where this conversation would be headed.

"You won't do that to me. Not anymore. You'll let me be there for you. I mean... I know you can't all the time. But some of the time... let me help you carry the burden a little. Promise me... okay?" Rodney was so sincere. There was just so much hope and need and openness in his voice and his expression that John wanted to say yes to everything and mean it. But he suddenly felt like he'd been in this situation before and he blinked, unable to speak. Instead, he sat up, one foot on the floor, the other tucked beneath his leg as he stared toward the door, back to Rodney. It was quiet for a long moment, then the bed shifted and Rodney came up behind him. "Talk to me." He stated firmly, moving so that one leg was to either side of him and his chest was pressed to John's back. He wrapped his arms around Sheppard's frame and didn't let go. He wasn't going to let John walk away. Smart man. He counted his breaths, closed his eyes. He had no reason not to tell Rodney the truth, why promising something like that wasn't as easy as it should have been... 

"I promised Nancy something like that." John responded then, lifting one hand to rest on Rodney's arm. "But I couldn't keep the promise. I couldn't let her in because of all the missions and the secrets that turned into lies. All the things I'd seen, all the times I couldn't confide in her even though I wanted to... all those things changed me, and eventually, she figured out she was better off divorcing me." Truthfully, it didn't hurt anymore. He'd grieved for the loss of their relationship and moved on a long time ago. And so had she. She was happy now, and he was happy for her. But losing her at the time had been like losing a piece of himself. He may not have been in love with her anymore, but he still cared deeply for her. And he truly regretted how much he'd hurt her. The idea that he could put Rodney through the same thing hadn't really occurred to him. Until this moment. "What if I make you the same promise... and then break it? Like I did with her?"

Rodney didn't say anything for a long time. John could feel the little, delicate stitches that held the age old damaged pieces of his heart together begin to come undone. Shit. But then Rodney sighed, and kissed the back of John's shoulder. "This is different. There aren't any lies between us. You don't have a reason to hide anything. And if you need to, I'm not going to hold it against you. I know what I'm getting myself into, John. Eyes wide open. Hell, I fell in love with you the moment I meant your elf-eared, scruffy-haired, smart-ass self." John could feel Rodney smile against the skin of his shoulder. "If your job was going to be a deterrent, I would have stopped being completely enamored with you by now, don't you think?" Rodney lifted his head then. "Anyway, we... we already confide in each other. About everything. We talk. We share. We don't lie. I don't expect you to just give up your macho thing over night. But I'm hoping by promising, you'll remember that you're not alone anymore. That you've got me now. And I'm here. One hundred percent willing to take some of the heartache. Not sure how good I'll be at it. I mean, I might just talk you into absurdity, and there's always the chance my bouts of crazy could rub off. But at least we'll be nuts together." 

John chuckled at that, shaking his head lightly. "You're impossible."

"Correct. And yet, you love me anyway. Said so yourself." John could hear the amusement in Rodney's voice and he sighed.

"Yes I did. And I meant every word." He turned just enough to catch Rodney's gaze, "And... I mean this, too..." He took a deep breath, letting it out slow. "I promise." The last part was whispered. He felt that pit in his stomach quake. He wanted so badly to keep that promise. He could only hope circumstances would allow it. Rodney just smiled, completely willing to believe him. 

"Good." He said with one nod. Easy as that. No questioning it. "Now lay down." John raised a brow. 

"I'm not tired, Rodney. The day's barely started. I promise I won't go hobbling around anymore. But I'm not laying down." He remarked. But Rodney rolled his eyes and grabbed John by the shoulders as he scooted back and practically dragged Sheppard backward.

"Would you just... do as I say for once?" He grumbled, and John -mostly because Rodney had all the momentum, fell completely backward. He frowned, staring up at the ceiling.

"Now what are you doing?" John demanded as Rodney slipped off the bed and crouched beside it. Then he was just there again, settling beside him.

"I want you to take it easy. And you are going to." Rodney said firmly. "However," He narrowed his eyes a little, setting something out of sight just behind him, "That doesn't mean I still can't do things."

"What are you-" Aaaaand John's words were completely cut off by the feel of Rodney's hand slipping into his pants, the warm feel of Rodney's palm wrapping around his dick making him release all the air out of his lungs. "Oh." He finally managed. "Right. Almost forgot."

"Forgot what?" Rodney asked, using his free hand to carefully pull John's pants down his hips. 

"That you're a genius."

"Har har." Rodney deadpanned. Once he had John's pants down by his thighs, he situated himself so he was sitting facing John, settled up against his leg, and he grabbed the bowl of lube, which was what he'd set behind himself a moment ago. "I may have a sucky gag reflex, but I've been told," He said with a knowing smirk, opening the bowl, "I've got magic hands." he scooped out some of the lube, slicking up his fingers and palms with it. John watched him, more than hard already, anticipation making his mouth water slightly. He lifted his hands, setting them behind his head and watching Rodney's every move.

"Is that so." He stated more than asked, interested to see and feel this so called magic. Rodney just gave him a look. A look John had never seen before. It was bedroom eyes and confidence and heat and greed all tangled into one gaze, and it took all of John's inhibitions and threw them completely out the window. At that very instant, Rodney could have done any damn thing he wanted, and John would have happily let him. 

Rodney never replied. At least not with words. He started with just two fingers, slipping beneath John's balls, rubbing his perineum and hole with the right amount of pressure almost immediately. John felt his breath hitch, his chest instantly rise and fall a little heavier. And Rodney, not once, took his eyes off of John's face. Apparently he didn't need to see what he was doing. There was an insane intimacy to having Rodney watch him like that. As though John's every reaction was pulled out of him, open and raw, completely exposing him for Rodney to see. With Rodney's other hand, he began to roll John's balls, causing extra sensations to what was already there. John focused on his breathing, gratefully feeling that wonderfully painful pressure slowly build in his groin. After a moment he closed his eyes, the sensations lulling him strangely. And then suddenly everything stopped. "Keep your eyes open." Rodney said. It almost sounded like an order. And John opened his eyes with one brow raising. The look on Rodney's face was so intense that it took everything in John not to just lurch toward him and kiss him. "I really just... want to see your eyes." Rodney whispered. His voice was so soft, John almost didn't hear him. But he nodded wordlessly, lips parted. Rodney smiled and continued what he'd been doing.

John instantly let out a breath. And then he hastily took one in, his neck craning a little, his hands moving away from his head, an unapologetically loud moan escaping his mouth as suddenly Rodney slipped a finger inside of him. He hadn't been expecting that at all. And surprisingly, it hadn't hurt a bit. All the massaging of his balls and perineum and hole had lulled him so completely that Rodney was able to slip his finger straight into the knuckle, and the result was an insane amount of tingling and pressure that had his dick twitching. He gripped Rodney's leg, relaxing back into the bed as Rodney moved that finger in and out. And then Rodney's hand was pumping John's dick in tandem with the rhythm of that finger. And then another finger joined the first one. And John was surprised he was even still in one piece. Because his whole body felt like it wasn't even real for a few very long and strange moments of unreal pleasure as his brain attempted to catch up with the rest of him. 

When his brain finally did catch up, he realized he was so close to the edge, so tightly wound that he was beyond ready to cum. But nothing was happening. Just the intense ministrations of Rodney's hands, the fiery stare they were sharing, and the near painful urge for release that just wasn't happening. "R-Rodney..." He panted out, almost pleading, begging, as if McKay was the reason why it wasn't happening. And just like that, Rodney turned his fingers inside of him without changing the rhythm. And the pressure became something else altogether. He was curled right into John's prostate without even trying. Add that to the steady pumping of his dick, and John came almost instantly. A steady wave of orgasm that completely undid him. John's eyes squeezed shut, hands grasping the bed, and he cried out loudly. He didn't even try to be quiet about it because why the hell should he bother?

Gently, tenderly even, Rodney slowed his hand. He slipped his fingers out. And all John could do was lay, feeling everything below twitching and trembling as he managed to loosen the hellish grasp he had on the blankets. He couldn't open his eyes yet. His breathing was having a hard time steadying. He didn't even flinch when Rodney began cleaning him up with a cold rag. It wasn't till Rodney carefully pulled John's pants back up that he finally opened his eyes. "Holy shit, McKay." He whispered, looking over at a very proud and smug looking Rodney. "That was..." he shook his head, he couldn't even think of a proper word. Rodney laid down on his side beside him. John turned to face him. 

"Told you. Magic hands." Rodney grinned, and John sighed, closing what little distance there was. He had to kiss him. It was imperative. A real, physical, undeniable need. Some sort of instinct deep in his bones that he just wouldn't say no to. It was slow, tender, even loving. And when it was over, John just sighed and held onto Rodney. 

"Okay... now I'm tired." John admitted. And Rodney chuckled.

"Yep, you're definitely one of those."

"You said that before, but I still don't know what that means." John muttered, blinking lazily.

"There are two kinds of people after sex. One kind wants to eat. And one wants to sleep." Rodney explained.

"Let me guess, you're the kind that wants to eat." John accused, and Rodney just shrugged.

"Guilty."

They both laughed a little at that. And John wasn't long before he fell asleep to the feel of Rodney's hand gently rubbing his back. Maybe he'd needed the rest more than he'd thought. It was only about an hour before he woke up, however. The sound of someone banging on the door had him sitting up so quick that pain shot through his leg and hip hard enough to make him growl. Rodney hadn't actually fallen asleep and had been working on the Wraith data on the tablet. He jumped up, startled and practically ran over to John. "I'm okay." John said through gritted teeth. "Get the door." Rodney paused but nodded. 

"Deara? What's wrong?" McKay said after opening the door wide. He stepped back, and Deara and Holvos came into view. John stood stiffly, but moved to stand next to Rodney. Deara looked, for lack of a better word, panicked.

"It is Iyana. She went out to check the traps very early as she always does. And she has not returned. She always returns for the morning meal. Always. And it has been several hours since then. Something is very wrong." Deara was wringing her hands.

"I told her not to bother you with this. Iyana is probably delayed for some understandable reason." Holvos said, irritation in his tone. Deara moved toward John, staring up at him with very worried eyes. 

"Please, Colonel Sheppard. I feel it in my bones. Something is very wrong. My brother refuses to help me." She shot Holvos an angry look. And John glanced at him over her head, narrowing his gaze a moment. 

"Iyana is a skilled hunter. She is probably on the trail of a bigger game and did not want to risk losing it. You're being childish, Deara. You always take things out of proportion." Holvos stated, grabbing his sister by the shoulder and trying to steer her toward the door, but she wrenched herself out of his grip.

"Iyana would not just go off without saying something to someone! You know that!" She yelled at him. And John put himself in between them.

"Alright, that's enough." He stated firmly, then looked down at Deara. "You're sure... she didn't mention anything about staying out longer?" He asked as calmly as he could. And Deara took in a deep breath, letting it out slow before nodding.

"She has always said... safety is best. Iyana would never hunt afar without someone being informed. She just... she wouldn't, Colonel. You must believe me. I cannot explain to you how deeply I feel this, but something has happened. Something terrible. I know it." And John could hear it in her voice. See it in her eyes. He looked past her at Rodney, and he could see clearly that McKay could read his expression. Then he glanced at Holvos before looking down at Deara once more. "Meet us outside at the trail in ten minutes. We'll help you find your wife."

"Colonel Shepp-" Holvos began to protest, but John pointed at him.

"I said, meet us at the trail. Bring a weapon. You had better be there." He moved for the door, holding it open wider. Deara looked from Rodney to John with the most grateful expression, then grabbed her nearly fuming brother by the arm and dragged him out the door. John closed it after them.

"So much for taking it easy." Rodney said flatly. But when John looked at him, he could tell Rodney was worried about Iyana, too.

The two women had been nothing but kind to them since they'd arrived on this planet. And though he was really hoping there was nothing to worry about, he didn't really see Deara as the sort of woman to be overly protective. Which meant her fear was probably warranted. Hopefully, Iyana just busted an ankle or something ridiculous like that. But as he and Rodney got geared up, he had a growing unease, one mirrored on Rodney's face.

Something wasn't right. 

And he wasn't looking forward to finding out what that was...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be continued...)


	7. "A little while longer..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A devastating find leads to a new village leader and some unsettling questions. There might be more trouble brewing than Rodney and John realize...

Deara was quiet. 

It was a strange, almost unreal reaction. One that Rodney most certainly wouldn't have had if he'd been in her place. Finding the state Iyana's body was in was... well, it was awful. And frightening. And worrying. Because not only had a good woman been killed, but it meant there were Wraith walking around. Where were they hiding? How many were there? Was this because of what they'd found in the mines? Knowing John as well as Rodney did, Sheppard wasn't going to stop till he got answers to all those things, and took out all the Wraith they could find on this planet. 

At the moment, however, John was crouched next to the kneeling Deara. He was expertly hiding the pain he had to be feeling in his hip. He had one hand on Deara's shoulder, his other on his weapon. No one was saying anything. Holvos looked like he was about to throw up, and he was actively keeping his distance. The fact that Sheppard had pretty much threatened him to stop being a dick before they'd left was the only thing probably keeping him from running off. And Rodney? Well, he was watching Sheppard. It was better than looking at the dried up husk that had been Iyana. It was better than staring at the awful, stone faced grief on Deara's face. 

"We need to get you back to the village." John broke the silence, making Deara blink and look at him. "The Wraith won't risk getting caught out in daylight, but we need to warn the others." He looked down at Iyana, clenching his jaw slightly. "Get your wife a proper burial." His tone was so comforting that Rodney felt every heart string tug. And for the first time, Deara's face crumpled. She leaned into John, who simply let her. Though he looked past her, swallowing and meeting Rodney's gaze with an uncomfortable expression. This wasn't easy for him. Rodney knew that. He always put himself out there, offered himself up to be there for people. But that didn't mean he felt like he was the best man for the job. After a moment, Deara pulled away, wiping angrily at her face before standing. John stood, visibly stiff, but didn't even wince. He was really controlling whatever pain he was feeling for Deara's benefit.

"You have no reason to do this for me. For... us." She said, looking down at Iyana, a firm concentration setting into her features as she clenched her fists. "But promise me, Colonel... that you will hunt these Wraith down, and you will slaughter them all."

"Deara." Holvos said sternly, moving toward her for the first time since they'd found Iyana, "You musn't speak such. Vengeance is not our way." He practically chastised her. She turned to look at him, steel in her gaze. 

"My wife is dead." She said plainly. "We are not fighters. But these are." She motioned to both Rodney and John. "They can give Iyana what I cannot."

"You shame your people, Deara." Holvos hissed lightly. And Deara slapped him so quickly, and hard, that both John and Rodney jumped a little in surprise. Holvos held his face.

"You never approved of Iyana. You said she was beneath me!" Deara snapped at him. "But it is you who is beneath me, brother." She said the last calmly, and turned her back on him, refusing to look at him any further. He lowered his hand, glancing at Sheppard for a long moment before stepping away and disappearing toward the path they'd started from. "Please Colonel." Deara held her head high, staring him dead on as he turned his gaze to her. John stepped toward her, giving one nod.

"You never had to ask." He asserted, and relief flooded her eyes as she nodded in response. A few moments later, they carried Iyana's body as respectfully as they could back to the village. Deara, though obviously in pain and grieving, went about gathering everyone at the center of the village.

"What if this has something to do with the stasis pods?" John whispered to Rodney as people started showing up. John was leaning against the post of a high fence, watching people slowly begin to trickle into the circular area the Lunulans used for meetings. "Two of them were empty." Rodney looked at him. He could see the tightness around his eyes, the way he randomly clenched his jaw. He was also keeping all the weight off of one foot. But McKay knew saying anything about John's hip now would be a really bad idea. It would just piss him off. 

"I thought about that." Rodney replied quietly, turning to stand in front of him. "And I don't think so. There's nothing in the data I've been able to go through so far that says there was ever more than one test subject. Wherever the Wraith came from, however many there might be, I don't think they came from that lab. Or else the Lunulans would have seen people go missing long before now." John frowned a little, and looked like he was about to say something when a small, aged hand gripped onto his elbow, catching both John and Rodney's attention. It was the elderly healer, Sel.

"Colonel." The short, thin and bald woman said. She was quite the character, Rodney had learned early on. Her ears were covered in piercings, as well as one in each nostril, and rows of piercings in each eyebrow. Apparently, each piercing stood for a certain sort of medical and holistic study among the Lunulans. Which pretty much made her the Queen of medical voodoo around here. She was always smiling, her brilliant green eyes always alive. Rodney was pretty sure she was a lot older than she let on. "Give me your hand." She said almost sweetly. And John raised a brow, glancing from her to Rodney and back again.

"Beg your pardon?" John asked. He hadn't really met Sel. He'd been unconscious, after all, when she was there stitching up his head. 

"You heard me, young man. You have important things to do, yes? So open your hand." She nodded, both brows raised in amusement. John just straightened a little, furrowing both brows but opened one hand. She simply dropped a couple of strange looking white and gray mushroom like bulbs into his palm. "Eat these. Right now. They taste terrible. Probably the worst thing you'll ever eat. But your hip will feel worlds better and allow you to do whatever you need to do. These are something you may only ever take once. No side effects except for perhaps not being able to sleep for a few days. Though I doubt you'll complain." She beamed at him, winked at Rodney, then patted both of them on opposite arms and walked away. Rodney was smiling at the confusion on John's face.

"That was Sel." He offered up. "You should probably eat those." John glanced at him.

"Not sure I want to." He made a sour face. 

"Come on, what harm could it do?"

"They're mushrooms. Last time I checked, those could do all kinds of harm. And we have Wraith to hunt." He turned, facing Rodney again, staring down at the bulbs in his hand.

"You don't know they're mushrooms. And besides, Sel is what passes for a doctor around here. You should listen to the woman." He crossed his arms lazily over his chest.

"Aren't you the one who says medicine is fake science?" John gave him a stolid expression. Rodney sighed.

"Just... eat the shrooms." Rodney half scowled. John took in a deep breath and let it out slow. Rodney knew he wouldn't even be considering it if it wasn't for the fact that his hip was really not doing well. Neither one of them was saying it, but Rodney was sure they both thought John might have actually fractured it. Or really, really badly hurt the muscles in it. At any rate, going after Wraith when he could barely walk wouldn't do anyone any good. So John finally just made a 'fuck it' gesture and popped the bulbs into his mouth. The moment he began chewing, the complete sick face he made was nearly instant.

"Fuck me..." he mumbled, forcing himself to chew some more, bending over and putting his hands on both knees as he desperately tried not to wretch. "Oh god, it's awful." Rodney couldn't help but feel just slightly amused at John's reaction. But then John stood, still chewing, and gave Rodney a strange look. "Holy shit, McKay." He said quizzically, putting one hand on his hip. And he took several quick steps away. Then walked back just as easily, swallowing what was left in his mouth. 

"I'll be damned." Rodney almost couldn't believe it. But John smiled, then made a sour face.

"That taste is going to haunt me for years." He visibly shivered, and Rodney chuckled. 

About then, the rest of the Lunulans filed in. They could marvel at the crazy mushroom bulbs later. It was Deara who spoke to everyone first, telling them of what they found. Murmurs and cries went up, those who knew and loved Iyana offering words of heartfelt pain. Others were visibly shaken, afraid. All a sea of reactions that John expected. Then the questions started. The Lunulans were used to cullings. They were used to running to their hiding places and waiting for the worst to pass. This was different. This was being actively hunted, this was the threat of being picked off one at a time. And suddenly, all eyes were on John and Rodney.

"Wraith can go long periods of time without feeding." John spoke up, the villagers quieting as he stepped more into view. Rodney could see the quiet relief on his face that he no longer had to worry about his hip hurting. But he could also see the graveness in his eyes as he glanced at Deara. He couldn't sugar coat things, not even for her benefit. Which was hard. Both John and Rodney liked Deara a lot. Neither one of them wanted to hurt her. But she'd asked them to do a job, and that meant hand holding was out the window. "But we have no way of knowing if there is more than one out there."

"What do we do, Holvos?" A voice came filtering through the crowd, and then Deara's tall brother stepped up beside her. She refused to look at him. 

"We could go to the Hiding. Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay have agreed to go after the Wraith. We can wait out their hunt, and return when it's over." Holvos said plainly.

"Are you mad?" Deara scowled at him, "The Hiding is still half flooded from the Flowing. We won't be able to fit everyone!"

"Then we fit who we can." Holvos simply said. Deara looked like she just might hit him again, and another murmur went up in the crowd.

"Ya know what," John spoke up, moving once again in between Holvos and Deara, and actively pressing Holvos back, "I'm really beginning not to like you very much." He didn't bother to hide the truth of his words from his tone. "No one needs to go into hiding." He turned his attention back to the crowd, just as Rodney stepped up beside Deara. She glanced at him, seemingly grateful for his presence. "We'll set a curfew. No one leaves their homes after dark. No one travels beyond the village and fields during the day. And no one goes anywhere alone. Groups of three or more, at all times. It's not ideal. But everyone stays safe this way. We'll set patrols up, volunteers willing to take shifts at night to walk the village perimeter and keep an eye out. In the m-" but he was cut off by Holvos' hand on his shoulder, turning him around harshly.

"You are not leader of this village, Colonel! You do not get to make these decisions!" Holvos growled out. 

"Hey!" Rodney snapped, and grabbed Holvos by the arm just as John pushed him back. "You're doing a pretty piss poor job if you ask me. And I don't think I'm the only one with that opinion." He let Holvos go when he stepped back, the tall man glancing around at the crowd who were all just staring at him quietly. "There's always one of you asshats wherever we go, I swear." Rodney mumbled, crossing his arms and then shrugging innocently as John gave him the 'shut up, McKay' look.

"Deara should lead us." Sel said then, slipping toward the front of the crowd. "My dear one, I know that you have suffered a great loss. But these times call for a strong heart. And yours has always been among the most capable. Do you not agree?" She asked the people around her. And slowly fists began to rise quietly into the air. A strange sort of silent vote. Holvos' eyes just went wide, and without another word, he simply turned around and walked away. The fists fell, and Sel motioned to Deara who just took in a shaken breath and nodded. 

"Colonel, you were saying." She said softly to John. Sheppard nodded to her, gripping her shoulder quietly for a moment.

"In the meantime," He looked back at the crowd, "McKay and I will go back to where Iyana was found. See if we can't figure out where the Wraith came from. The rest of you should gather any weapons you have, make sure they're available. Do a head count and make sure no one else is missing. Figure out your groups, and who the patrols are going to be. We'll be back before nightfall." And just like that, the decisions were made.

The Lunulans had a new leader. And John and Rodney were back in the woods. 

"How's your hip?" Rodney asked, a little out of breath. They were pretty far beyond where they'd found Iyana. Rodney wasn't even sure what they were looking for. The forest floor was dense, the grass was tall, and any trail the Wraith might have left wasn't easy to distinguish. Not that he knew a damn thing about tracking. John glanced sideways at him.

"Huh?" He looked confused for a moment, till Rodney pointed at his side. "Oh, it's great." He replied like it didn't matter in the least. Which, in Sheppard's mind, it really didn't. At least not for the time being. John looked back ahead of him, stepping over half a rotting log. "I was thinking... there's got to be at least two of them."

"How do you figure?" Rodney asked, following somewhat behind him as they got to a more rocky part of the forest. 

"Someone would have heard her scream. Even if she was caught off guard, she would have yelled, would have... cried out, something." John's focused expression matched his gaze. "She was close enough to the village that someone would have heard her and come running."

"So you think one Wraith kept her silent while another... fed." Rodney winced at the word. Knowing how close he'd come to the end of a Wraith's feeding hand more than once, it was a nightmare he never wanted to experience. 

"Worst case scenario, I'm wrong and there's more than two." John stopped, looking around him for a long quiet moment. "Best case, it's just the two of them. And I like those odds."

"What if it's worst case?" Rodney found himself saying, catching John's less than amused gaze.

"Why don't we stick with best case until proven otherwise, alright?" He urged. And though Rodney's natural pessimism was greedily rearing its ugly head, he nodded quickly, and simply followed as John started moving again. 

These were the moments Rodney was most glad that John was the leader of their ragtag team. Sure, maybe anyone else would have been just as capable. But there was something about the ever relentless steadfastness of John Sheppard that made impossible and terrifying things seem less impossible, less terrifying. Rodney would never claim to be courageous or strong or any of the adjectives one would put forth to describe people typically thrown into these sorts of situations. But John had a way of dragging the idea out of him. Of making him believe he was brave, maybe a little tough, if even for a moment. Sometimes, he could even forget he was just a brain on legs for a few minutes. All because of Sheppard's infectious fearlessness. 

They walked for a good two hours. Rodney tried really hard not to complain. Well, harder than usual. Only once bringing up the fact that he wished Ronon was there to do the tracking. It wasn't till they reached a ridge line, that dipped down into what looked like a rocky crevice, that John finally stopped. "Trail ends here. Too many rocks to see anything." He muttered, more to himself than to Rodney as he peered down into the giant split beneath them. Rodney let his pack fall, planting his rear right onto a boulder and greedily taking a giant swig of water before holding his canteen up toward Sheppard. John just shook his head at it before dropping his own pack.

"Should we head back?" Rodney asked, setting the canteen aside. John didn't say anything, bending down and picking up a rock, rolling it in his palm.

"Something's bugging me." He said, lobbing the rock as far as he could. He watched it sail over the crevice, past a cluster of saplings, bounce of a rock face, and clatter into a group of rocks. Then he moved to sit beside Rodney, shortening his stature considerably as he lowered himself to the ground completely, stretching out his legs. Rodney was watching his every move.

"What is?" McKay asked, causing John to glance over at him.

"Iyana." Sheppard replied, settling his weapon in his lap before leaning against the rock behind him. "The Wraith made sure no one heard her scream, but didn't even bother to hide her body. What good does it do them to leave her out in the open like that?"

"Well, the Lunulans aren't exactly fighters. The Wraith know that, I'm sure. Maybe they don't think there'll be repercussions? Maybe they want the Lunulans to be afraid? Wraith aren't exactly friendly." Rodney mused.

"Yeah, you're probably right." John said, but he sounded skeptical.

"But your gut's telling you otherwise." Rodney offered, catching John's gaze for a moment. Neither one of them said anything further. John's gut wasn't typically wrong. This time it was telling him something was off about the situation, but with literally nothing else to go on, it was just a feeling. Nothing more. A short while later, they headed back the way they came. With the trail gone cold, and no other leads, they couldn't do much more. Not that John was at all happy about that.

Eventually, the Wraith would need to feed again. By the looks of Iyana's body, only one of them had fed. Not knowing how many of them there were made it pretty much a certainty that they would see either more bodies or the Wraith themselves. They needed to be prepared. Rodney didn't have much doubts at how capable Deara was, but she was also grieving. John wanted to lend a hand, getting things in order. There was also the fact that Holvos was just turning out to be a grade A asshole. Something they hadn't really seen coming. And another thing that was really bugging John. It seemed off to him, the way he'd reacted to Iyana's disappearance and how he'd seemed when they'd found her body. And then in the village during the meeting. Rodney had to agree on that point. It was all a little strange.

When they finally got back, there was definitely a quiet sense of urgency everywhere. They were nearly bombarded by questions the moment they walked in. But all they could was reassure people till they had a chance to talk with Deara. That was a conversation that didn't go over well. John wished they could have given her good news. And dead Wraith would have been really good news. But it was looking like that was something that would happen in time. 

The rest of their day, straight till nightfall, was spent helping the village prepare. People were moved about. Those who lived alone moved in with other people. Homes more on the outskirts of the village were evacuated for the time being. John put together patrols of people armed and willing to walk the perimeters of the village, not to take on the Wraith but to keep an eye out. Sheppard made it very clear that the only ones who were equipped and experienced enough to kill them were Rodney and John. But Sheppard was also not going to stop anyone from defending their homes. Keeping people involved in their own safety was paramount. It made them feel like they had a say in whether or not they got to live to see the next day. As for Holvos, he steered clear of John like he was plague on two feet. Deara swore he'd cool off. But John just couldn't shake the idea that something was up with that guy. Something bad. 

When night fell, the Lunulans had their version of a funeral for Iyana. 

A beautiful pyre was built, surrounded by rings of flowers. Women sang. Men each placed an arrow at the base off the wood. Children painted their arms in colorful splotches. And when the last child's arms were completely covered, Deara set the pyre aflame, and Iyana's cloth covered body was eventually turned to ash. Rodney and John watched all of it from the edges of the crowd. And for a part of it, Rodney just watched John.

He looked so solemn. Like the weight of the world was suddenly sewn into the skin of his shoulders, and he had no choice but to carry it or have his flesh ripped away. It amazed him, really. Rodney was stuck in this state of foreboding, of bitter fear trapped in the back of his throat because Wraith were wandering around, and John was doing what? Well, John was being John. Strong, brave, and ever amazing. "This isn't your fault, you know." Rodney said, leaning into him, his mouth near John's ear as he slid an arm around Sheppard's waist. John let out a sigh and cracked a sad smile.

"Then why do I feel so guilty?" He responded, easily mimicking Rodney's hold. 

"That's your nature. You treat every problem like your own, everyone's pain like your own." Rodney watched as John's gaze turned on him, his eyes swimming with color in the fire light. "You don't have to, ya know. No one would blame you for being a little selfish from time to time, not that you should be taking any lessons out of the Rodney McKay book of life. I'm just sayin you-" John lifted his free hand at that, slipping his palm over Rodney's cheek, thumb stroking across Rodney's cheekbone. He felt everything in him go still under the sudden intensity of John's stare, his voice lost, completely forgetting what it was he was saying. There was suddenly not an entire village around them. It was just John, staring at him like that, holding him close.

John didn't say anything. Words were pretty much useless, sometimes. Rodney was figuring that out quickly. He was also figuring out that John had a way of saying everything without using a single pronounced word. The feel of his lips in the cool night air was like a speech in itself. John kissed him slowly, soothingly, with more tenderness than Rodney thought he deserved. All the fear he'd had settled into his bloodstream was a distant memory, replaced by the pulse of John's heartbeat beneath his hand. And though they were both very careful not to get handsy, Rodney felt flustered in a very good way when it was over. More than that, he felt like his heart had swollen about three times too big for his ribcage to contain. Was that possible?

When he opened his eyes, John was staring at him. "I am selfish, Rodney." He whispered before letting out a deep breath. "Just... selectively." He brushed his lips once more over McKay's gently before stepping back. "Come on. You should try to sleep. We've got the late patrol." Rodney had to blink a few times before he could nod and follow, glancing once more at the pyre, and then at Deara who gave him a sorrowful nod. He gave her a small, sad smile before following John to the guest house.

As he closed the door behind him, watching John pull his boots off, he couldn't imagine the pain Deara was. To lose her wife, the woman she had so obviously loved and who had so obviously loved her in return... how did someone go on after that? How did someone just keep functioning? What promises had they made to each other? Had they remembered to say 'I love you' one last time? Rodney was pretty damn sure that if he lost John, he'd be a mess. A complete, useless mess. When John kicked his boots aside and glanced up at McKay with a questioning look, it only solidified the thought. "I don't want to sleep." Rodney said suddenly. He moved over to John, sitting beside him. The confusion on Sheppard's face was plain as day. "I want you to be selfish for a little while longer."

"Rodney..." John sighed gently, his expression softening. But McKay shook his head. 

"A little while longer..." He repeated quietly. Then, before John could protest any further, Rodney kissed him just as tenderly as before. Just in case tomorrow wasn't a promise anyone could keep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be continued...)


	8. "I'm just... trying to figure some things out."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rodney encourages John to seize the moment while they can. Deara comes to Sheppard and McKay with concerns about her brother, Holvos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Warning: Sexual scenarios. Fluff. Woo.)

There were so many reasons why John should have protested. The biggest being the fact that they were sort of in the middle of a crisis. But the way Rodney had looked at him, the tone of his voice, his words, _'I want you to be selfish for a little while longer,'_ John couldn't protest. It took him a moment to realize it, however. When Rodney's lips found his, there was a delay. A stiffness to his limbs, as though his body was doing the protesting for him. But why shouldn't he be selfish? Why shouldn't he let himself have every moment possible with this man? Danger was a part of their lives. The possibility that tomorrow was a pipe dream was a sad reality. A reality Deara and Iyana never should have had. And yet tonight, Deara would be crying herself to sleep alone. What regrets did she have? What things would she be dwelling on as she drowned her sorrow in that fruit wine of hers? What would she sell her soul for to get a second chance at? _'A little while longer.'_

 _'Okay, McKay.'_ He thought, and his body finally got the message, too. Tonight, John Sheppard would let himself be selfish despite all that was going on around him. Tonight, he'd make love to this man and not feel remotely bad about it because he didn't want to have regrets. He didn't want the worst to happen and know that he'd missed this chance willingly. He didn't want to leave things unsaid, undone, not felt. And it was pretty clear, Rodney didn't want that, either. Iyana's death was affecting him as much as it was affecting John. 

It didn't take long for them to shed their clothes. But there was nothing hurried about what they were doing, despite the strange urgency to their hands. And John was not in a lick of pain. Nor was he even remotely tired. Those mushrooms, or whatever they were, certainly were doing a great job. And Rodney was taking complete advantage of it. Every sound Rodney was making was only urging John on. John had to admit, he was the sort of guy who loved it when his partner was vocal. Not so much with words, but with breaths and moans and grunts and whatever sounds they happened to make. And Rodney was having none of this 'be quiet' stuff. Not tonight. Sure, he wasn't outright yelling. After all, most of the village was either in mourning or afraid. But it was just enough to keep John on that teetering edge of need and greed that had him pushing the limit of his gentleness. 

He wasn't a rough guy, per say. At least not overly so. There were times when he could be a little rougher than at others, but only if that's what both parties wanted. And he and Rodney had never really talked about it. Though he was really beginning to wish they had, especially when he pushed Rodney up against a wall, gripping Rodney's wrists and holding his hands firmly out of the way, drowning him in a kiss as he ground their groins together for just the right amount of friction. Rodney moaned into his mouth, hips eagerly pressing right back into him. When the kiss broke, they were both out of breath, each of them sweating a little. It had gotten slightly stuffy in the tiny little guest house, the fire in the hearth steadily burning, the shutters completely closed for privacy. John loosened his grip, sliding his fingers down Rodney's arms, then down Rodney's sides. The result was McKay trembling lightly. 

"God, you're going to tease me to death, you bastard." McKay whined, pushing his forehead into John's shoulder and gripping onto his ribs for dear life. John smiled knowingly. All they'd really done so far was relentlessly tease one another. Though if they had been keeping score, John would definitely have been winning. So Rodney wasn't far off the mark. But John was so energized, probably due to whatever those mushrooms were doing to him, that he could keep this up for hours. 

"Tell me what you want." John said, surprised by the heated quality of his voice. He moved his hands to cradle Rodney's face, forcing him to look up, but keeping him pressed to the wall with his body. "And I'll do it." He added, stroking a single thumb over Rodney's lip. He was greedy with those lips. The way they felt, the way they tasted. And he was downright glad Rodney had allowed him to in the first place. Rodney's eyes fluttered. "Anything." John whispered, heaving a big breath, the anticipation alone making his blood boil. Rodney surged forward wordlessly, taking him by surprise. 

He'd already figured out that McKay was a whole lot stronger than he let on. His hands and arms especially. The hours he spent every day tinkering away at things certainly paid off. And he wasn't shy about using that strength with John. Rodney kissed John fervently, his hands pushing John toward the bed. They both fell on it without an ounce of grace, but John could have cared less, catching Rodney as he landed on top of him, and instantly rolling him over. He pinned him down completely, mouths connected as though pulled by magnets, John's hands in Rodney's hair as he growled low in his throat, and melting was suddenly an all too perfect word. It was a complete undoing, of just being without expectation, and yet still filling up their lungs with the air of each other's very spirits. 

Everything about being with Rodney could only be described as 'home,' in that moment. John felt it in every touch, every caress of Rodney's fingers on his spine, every sigh of Rodney's breath into his mouth. And when the kiss ended, he saw it there in Rodney's eyes, looking up at him with all the trust and devotion and love a single person could give to another. It turned him inside out in an instant, and he had to look away, his throat tightening as he flattened his forehead to Rodney's neck. McKay didn't say anything, he just kept running his fingers up and down John's spine in the sudden quiet. And it stretched on like that for a good few minutes before John was finally able to lift his head. He sighed softly, searching Rodney's eyes.

"I just realized... I don't think I explained why." Rodney finally broke the quiet, shifting his body slightly beneath John's so Sheppard settled between his legs. John had to sigh a little as their groins moved. But he furrowed his brows softly. 

"Why... why what?" He asked, tracing the scar near Rodney's hairline from when the puddle jumper he'd been working on had crashed into the ocean. He'd almost died that day...

"There are a million reasons why people don't like me. And rightly so. At the start, you barely tolerated me. And it was to be expected." He cracked a little smile, like it was just how things were and nothing more. But before John could even interject, he kept going. "And then I realized you actually began to care about me. Of course, I didn't know we'd ever grow to be like this." He turned his head slightly into John's touch. "But you took the time to... to see me. To really see me. Past all the reasons why you shouldn't have. You kept looking. And you stopped caring about the other stuff. And that was -is... well, everything." He smiled softly at John. "It was love at first sight for me. But all of that is why... why I've always loved you." 

There were a lot of pains that John Sheppard knew. A lot he could fight. A lot he could deal with and push past. It was the job, and it was just who he was. He muscled through it somehow and he kept on keeping on till the next pain, the next torture. But nothing could have ever prepared him for how much he was hurting right then. Rodney's words were the worst pain he had ever felt, and yet the best pain at the same exact time. Which was a very strange thing to feel. How could something hurt 'good?' Because he didn't feel like he deserved this man, or the kind of love he was offering. And yet, here Rodney was... giving it to him anyway. And damn. 

John knew, right then and there, that Rodney was the one pain that he would never give up. 

"I don't..." John swallowed, trying to find the right words, anything to say to explain what he felt. "I'm..." He closed his eyes, shaking his head a little. Rodney just leaned up and kissed him softly.

"It's okay, I know." Rodney said, and when John opened his eyes, Rodney was just laying there smiling warmly. "You're madly in love with me. It's blatantly obvious. You're practically hopeless at this point. Might as well accept it." McKay grinned then, wiggling his brows. And John chuckled lightly. 

"You're an idiot."

"Resort to insults all you want, Colonel. You know it's true." 

"Yeah. You're right." John said, pushing up on both hands so he was hovering above Rodney, then he moved his hips in the exact way he knew made Rodney react more than a little longingly. "Ya know, you still haven't answered my question." He said, watching as Rodney's eyes fluttered half closed as John slid their dicks together, causing the right amount of pressure and friction for both of them as he slid his hips back and forth between Rodney's open legs. 

"Wh... what question was... that?" Rodney asked between breaths.

"What do you want me to do?" John reiterated, watching every expression Rodney made, feeling a bead of sweat roll down his own spine. 

"Oh," Rodney said, opening his eyes completely, sliding his hands up to hold onto John's forearms momentarily. "Right." He seemed to take a moment to actually focus, which was adorable. And John wasn't making it easy on him, swaying his hips methodically with every easy breath. Rodney began to look frustrated, and frowned. "Okay, I can't think when you do that." John chuckled.

"Do what? This?" He rolled his hips and Rodney let out a sharp breath, "Or, what about this..." John said, sliding his dick up and down alongside Rodney's. The result was McKay completely pushing his groin directly into him with a moan.

"Ooookay, if you want me to answer you, you have got to stop doing that!" He huffed, gripping John's arms a little tighter. John laughed, a real, comfortable laugh. But he held himself still. Rodney sighed softly, and closed his eyes. Thinking with his eyes closed, smart move. John just watched him with a smile on his face. Then Rodney nodded, opening his eyes. "You said anything, right?" He asked, and John narrowed his gaze a little.

"I thought you said you didn't have any kinks." He replied, and Rodney gave him a bland look.

"Funny. Yes or no?"

"Yes." He smirked. "What did you have in mind?" John asked, perpetually amused at this point.

A few minutes later, John was sitting on the bed, face to face with Rodney, their foreheads pressed together, though Rodney was slightly higher because he was in John's lap. John's feet were flat on the floor. And his dick was was sheathed completely inside of Rodney, as deep as it could possibly go. The result was both of them at the moment breathing heavily, John holding onto Rodney's ass for dear life as they both acclimated, Rodney gripping both of John's shoulders. "I thought... I was supposed to do something... to you." John panted lightly, eyes still closed. Rodney had only let John stretch him. And that was it. McKay was so warm, so incredibly tight inside. It was intoxicating.

"Changed my mind." Rodney whispered, and then he just moved. It was so simple, really. Just a shift of his hips, back and forth, causing John's dick to move in and out, up and down. But god, was it enough to make any idea of talking a thing of the past. John moaned instantly, and Rodney swallowed that moan in a kiss, rocking his world in a heartbeat. John was steadily learning to give Rodney a lot of credit in the sex department. He knew exactly how to move, exactly what to do to wind John up. The rhythm Rodney found was entirely not enough and yet somehow managed to build just the right amount of pressure to keep John holding on to the edge of a promise that release was waiting for him. 

"God, John..." Rodney muttered into his ear as John wrapped his arms completely around him, pressing their torsos together, "So much..." Rodney panted, moaning, mouth trembling against John's skin. Sheppard squeezed his eyes shut as Rodney kept going. So much was right. And still not enough. John wanted more. And with all the strength in his limbs, he stood, holding Rodney and turning. Rodney practically yelped as John dropped him onto the bed, and then wordlessly turned him over. John wasted no time finding access again, and entered Rodney with a steady thrust that had McKay practically faceplanting the bed with a strangled moan. John gripped one of Rodney's hips, the fingers of his free hand tracing the scar on Rodney's ass where he'd been shot by the arrow. How many times had Rodney been hurt? How many time had John? He wiped that train of thought from his mind and gripped Rodney's other hip instead. 

And then he began to move.

The rhythm was easy to find. And the depth was so much further. Rodney was practically a wreck at this angle, which John made sure to make note of. Not that John was doing any better himself. Rodney felt amazing from behind. So much tighter, and he could go so much deeper. He curled himself over Rodney's form, still thrusting, refusing to lose the momentum, but he curled a hand around Rodney's waist, grabbing onto his dick, and pumping along with every move of his own hips. The result was Rodney pretty much burying his face in an effort to not 'wake the neighbors.' A fact that absolutely delighted John to no end. 

It was Rodney who came first, trembling and moaning until he collapsed completely onto the bed. And John used himself up almost instantly afterward, unable to hold it any longer. His own moans were a little harder to muffle. And he was pretty sure Rodney was going to end up with finger marks on his hips from the hold John had on him as he came. But when it was over, he slowly pulled out and collapsed on the bed beside McKay, flat on his stomach, an arm draped over Rodney's back. Neither one of them did anything beyond breathe, which was a really good idea considering both of their lungs were practically heaving.

"I think... you broke me." Rodney mumbled once his breathing was under control. John cracked one eye to see Rodney's very calm face and closed eyes. "We are _so_ doing that again." John gave a light laugh, opening both eyes and rolling over. He still wasn't tired, which was a huge surprise. Damn those mushrooms. This time he did the cleaning up. And Rodney happily laid there and let him. They had to change the blankets out this time, though. But once they were satisfied everything was as fresh as it was going to get, John coaxed Rodney beneath the covers and into his arms. Even if he couldn't sleep, Rodney still needed to. He'd set the alarm on his watch. They'd need to head out for their patrol in a few hours.

"Rodney, what I couldn't figure out how to say before..." John said, holding Rodney's warm naked form against his own, Rodney's head on his chest, "This is it for me. You're it. Just... thought you should know that." For a moment, Rodney was quiet, just breathing. Then he lifted his head, looking at John with a tired, but goofy and happy expression. 

"Me, too. Sap." He grinned then, and John smacked his ass beneath the covers.

"Go to sleep, Casanova." He ordered. And Rodney just kept grinning as he laid his head back down. John listened to his snoring in the quiet for the next few hours. He only had his thoughts to keep him company. And there were far too many of them. They bounced back and forth between Rodney and Deara, and the Wraith and Holvos, and Atlantis and himself. He was almost a little too happy when the alarm went off, though admittedly had enjoyed being able to just hold Rodney for awhile. He ushered the half asleep McKay into clothes and gear, and soon got them out the door and on patrol along with four other Lunulans. At least he wouldn't be just laying there with his thoughts. 

"Colonel Sheppard." Deara's voice behind him caught him a little off guard as he rounded a darker corner near the edge of the village about a half our into their shift. McKay was right behind him. "Doctor McKay." She nodded when she saw him. 

"What're you doing out here... alone?" John asked a little accusingly, peering over her head to see no one else there. 

"I wanted to speak to you alone. About Holvos." She said quietly, pulling her shawl closer around her form. She looked decidedly uncomfortable, but John was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the night air.

"He's not missing, too, is he?" McKay asked, frowning a little as he stepped beside Sheppard.

"No, nothing like that." She said, then she took out a deep breath. "I believe that he is hiding something."

"Hiding what?" John asked, stepping a little closer to her.

"I wish I could say. He has been acting strange ever since... ever since Iyana..." she swallowed, shaking her head. "I had two people I trust follow him around today, after you left. They said he went to the Hiding. Alone. And when he came out, he looked upset. And he had some sort of technology in his hand. It may be nothing. My brother has always been hard to deal with. And we store many things in the Hiding. But... but we do not have technology such as what was described." She said, worry briefly crossing her features. "I fear that Holvos may be caught up in something terrible. Though I cannot even begin to fathom what that could be. Am... am I wrong for being worried?"

John and Rodney exchanged a look. "No." John said firmly, looking back at her. "We'll handle it. I promise. First thing in the morning. All three of us, we'll confront Holvos together. Get to the bottom of it. Okay?"

"We should probably get you back to Sel's in the meantime, though." Rodney offered quietly, motioning toward the village. Deara nodded.

"Thank you, Colonel. Doctor." She nodded to each in turn, "Iyana... she would be grateful for all you have done. All you are still doing." Deara's voice cracked a little, and her eyes got slightly wet. John clenched his jaw momentarily. But he reached forward, gripping her shoulder warmly.

"She'd be proud of you. You're... one very strong woman." John remarked. And Deara laughed a little, wiping at her cheek as a tear escaped.

"Iyana used to say I was a lightning bolt strapped to a woman of remarkably short stature." Deara said, and all three of them laughed. They took her back to Sel's apothecary after that.

Morning came a good four hours later without incident, thankfully. They met Deara and Sel at the apothecary to discuss the Holvos situation further. Thankfully, Sel had already set out some breakfast and the rather potent tea that could easily pass for coffee that Rodney had quickly grown accustomed to. "So where's this Hiding? You've mentioned it a few times." John said, sitting with his own tea and setting his weapon down between his legs as he relaxed onto a bench against the wall. The apothecary was pretty impressive. It was where Sel did most of her medical stuff, and it was where her apprentices, four of them, learned her trade. The walls were covered floor to ceiling in herbs and tools of the trade. There were beds. There were shelves with even more things. There was a room where Sel lived. And there was a table at the far end where they were all at now. Deara glanced at John warily.

"The Hiding is our most treasured secret, Colonel. We reveal it to none. It is never spoken of and only learned about by being brought there, generation to generation. Were it to be revealed, the Wraith could discover it and our very survival would be at risk." She explained, and John set his cup on the table as Rodney settled next to him with his plate of fruit and bread. 

"I understand that. But if Holvos is really up to something, the best possible way to figure out what it is would be to go to the Hiding your people saw him come out of and find out for ourselves." John explained. 

"And if he's got some kind of tech like you said, I can easily figure out what it is and what it's for if I can see it first hand." Rodney added, popping a berry in his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. Sel sat then, next to Deara, so that now the two women were directly across from the two men.

"I will take them, Deara. Through the Old Way. No one will see us go or return. You will have nothing to worry about." Sel offered, and Deara looked about to protest, but Sel looked at Rodney and John with a smile. "I believe these two can be trusted. They have proven themselves quite worthy of our faith, and then some." She winked, then patted Deara's hand softly. Deara nodded afterward, a slow smile emerging. John could understand her apprehension. She had her people to think about, and for all intents and purposes, McKay and Sheppard were still outsiders. 

"Deara, let me ask you something," John looked down at his tea for a moment, turning the cup in his hand before looking back across at Deara, "You said Holvos never approved of Iyana. What did you mean by that?" Deara raised her brows slightly, then nodded a little.

"When we were children, Holvos bore great affection for Iyana. But as we got older, it was clear that she and I were destined to be far more than friends. Because of this, he became unkind to her. A foolish grudge that he never quite outgrew. Though it did lessen overtime, he made it quite clear he believed she was beneath me and anyone else who chose to accept her affection." Deara explained quietly, but John could hear the anger in her words. She cleared her throat, running a hand through her curly hair. "Why do you ask?" John leaned forward.

"I'm just... trying to figure some things out." He gave her a small smile. "Trying to get a better feel for Holvos. What kind of guy he is. Why he... reacted the way he has the last few days." He lifted his mug to his lips then, very aware of Rodney's eyes on him. Deara's worries coupled with his own gut told him there was something bad going on. Maybe it was coincidence, or maybe it wasn't...

"Perhaps, I am just being foolish... wasting your time. But with all that has happened to Iyana..." Deara's voice trailed off, and she stared down at the food on her plate. 

"Hey, we're not doing anything, right?" John smiled, leaning back motioning to Rodney, "We'll eat up, then Sel, if she's up for it, can take us out there. We'll take a peak around, and come right back. No harm done. And we'll get a good hike out of it. Rodney here? Loves hiking." He gave a smirk, patting Rodney's knee warmly. Rodney gave him the most sour glare he could manage.

"Oh, yes. Hiking. Absolutely." He deadpanned. But Deara didn't seem to notice. If anything, she looked relieved. Especially when Sel agreed.

"It is settled, then. Eat up." Sel added. Deara let out a breath and smiled, standing to get some more bread for the table. Rodney elbowed John in the ribs.

"Loves hiking?" He chastised lowly. John just chuckled a little, then winked at Rodney before taking another very long sip of tea. In a way, despite the fact that Ronon and Teyla weren't with them, this felt like a very typical mission. Figuring out the mess, cleaning it up. But there was also something much more personal about it. Because Deara was their friend. There was no getting around that. They didn't often get close to the people they came across. Sure, they made trading partners and got 'friendly' to a point. But it was different with the Lunulans. The people here were, well... just different. As they helped Sel and Deara clear the table when they were all finished, Rodney stopped him for a moment and whispered, "We'll figure it out." John glanced at him. Rodney just nodded, like there was no room for question. And as he watched him set his empty plate in the wash basin, John knew he was right. They always figured things out. One way or another. Question was... would they figure it all out before someone else they cared about died?

Shit, he really hoped so...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (To be continued...)

**Author's Note:**

> (To be continued...)


End file.
